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April Fools, that's me and you and you. An excuse to prank others or celebrate spring? Shock you out of the winter doldrums? In India they feast Huli and act mischievous? Les Francs celebrate le poisson d-Arvil? The Scots call it April Gowk. Cuckoo!!! Or was it 1564 with the change to 1st of January instead of April to start the year? Mark Twain got it right, "The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year." F-O-O-L-S! SO APRIL FOOLS TO YOU Y VDS, and Vous and YOU , TOO!
Mary Marie you done left the party early. That's not like you, girl! What's up with that? You may claim to be an earlybird, but you are a party girl. A feisty, soul sister, country-city girl, A smart city sister and a white trash hillbilly With boiled peanuts on the stove And many a bon Appetite volume to try. GIGI you are the leader of the band. The God Mother to many and any Earth Mother, sultry wench. Ready with the petition and the admonition. Who is the President? God Damn F-ing Geo W Bush. They just won't play fair.
Mary, Mary Marie, GI GI, FE FE, You got any other aliases? So Darlin' want some
Therapy? To Argue with a
shows the presence of
DO YOU WANT TO BE RIGHT
DO YOU WANT TO GET ALONG?
They AREWORDStoREMBER. What a clever clever lass you be, Mary Marie to make each and everyone feel that
are your best friend. You got your grand Garden Party, wench! Pleased you must be with your Royal Self, Mary Marie. But who will gather on the porch in the evening and Sip and swing and chat into the night?
The Garden Parties... How many could there be? I don't remember surly. But I am Happy to note. Once We were invited we did not miss one. The three youngones grew up helping host your Garden Parties. Dips,Shrimp,pates,smokedsalmon,homemadelemonade. Plates of cheeses and fresh fruit. Wine tasting, red, white, good and cheap. We'll supply the music, Alex will DJ. Lets dance the Macarena, the Twist, and anything other move that works to the beat. Lets retire to porch in the evening and swing and sway the night away. We went to your Garden Party, All your Friends were there. What Days!
Hooch Therapy Juicehead, slwashed, hammered, bathtub gin, fried, blind pig, blind tiger, speakeasy, booze, giggle-juice, bootleggers. Personally I don't see anything wrong with a little Hooch Therapy. I must have relatives going all the way back to Baccus, Dionysys or Osiris in my past. I hear tell of the Sumerian God Gestin, The Mother Vine and his pal Pagestin, good vine-stock. And don't forget his wife Nin-kasi Ãƒâ€šÃ¢â‚¬Ëœthe lady of the inebriating fruit'. Is that me or you? Hey the Mayans or Aztecs had their Gods of Alcohol, too TOTOCHTIN, a rabbit. Humm a drunken rabbit now there's a thought.
Ornery, feisty, Airline Sisters, full of fresh and sass. Cuuky, Quirky, Crazy, crazed, wanton women. Full of fun and fancy wicked wander, ever thirsting, wonderlust, Wonder where is the lust, wander waver, travel light, travel standby, travel by the night. Don't check luggage, don't lose the boarding bass, gate 22 hustle, jetway blues, aircraft on approach, on the tower, taxiway, hardstand overnight, on the blocks,deplane, hustle the passengers to immigration and customs. Hope no one gets stuck in secondary. Board the crew, caterer thru, announce the pre-board, final count. Weight and Balance, Captain signed, "ONTIME-. How many souls on board?
Captain Punto, Where the hell is Captain Punto? The rest of the crew is here. They stopped at AirFrance for operations and flight instructions but Captain Punto was not with them. Then the radio call came through for the supervisor to contact Operations Desk. Seems Captain Punto had a fight with his girlfriend and she left him in the middle of the L.I.E. Yes, we could send someone. He had no idea where he was a Phone Booth at a Gas Station where he hitchhiked after she dumped him. You'd think they'd learn not to mess with a "woman scorned-.
Sobre Cargos, Flight Attendants, Stews, Crews, First Officer, Second Officer, Engineer, Ground crew, Hardstand, Tugs and chalks. Where are the Cargo Boyz? Baggage handlers load the belly now. What's the ceiling? What's the visibility? Fuel on Board? Galleys filled? Agriculture comes to collect the cankered limes and grind them down the drain. Push back to the Hardstand. Aircraft at the hardstand til 0600 hours then pull to gate 22 for boarding. New Crew new flight new day. Fiucarros all gotta supplement their income. Taroba, Melerbee, Leonidas, and don't forget Gina Tanoz! Where are they now? Somewhere south of the border.
SECONDARY. It would be my fate to be stuck in secondary. It's some kind of purgatory. Wait for some second or third generation Irish Mic or Ittie New Yoorker who has lots of pent up resentment and anger. Plus no love for the poor teaming masses yearning to be free. If they are Haitian or Arabic well you'd better plan on being there til the bitter end cuz if there is anyway they can be sent back our third generation guardians will make sure they are on the next flight back. Didn't you know America's closed. No room for you.
Captain Tamayo. Oh me Oh Mayo. Planned to take a Whirlpool in the cargo well. Maybe a Fridgidaire could go in the aircraft's derriÃƒÆ'Ã‚Â¨re. But Brian Dotton pressed the wrong button and Me Oh Mayo how the stuff fly-o. We need to stop on 44th St for the Fiuca Shops. Fiucarros all. What's a little fiuca between friends? I guess this is where the pros and cons of Unions become soo crystal clear. But even after the hearings when the dust settled in the Crews Favor. At least we knew all NYC flights would have an ON TIME departure always.
Fiyucarro Fiucaro Fiucarro
Anyway you spell it you are still smuggling something. I ask you who doesn't secret something away? Who isn't stowing some secret something somewhere?
You may carefully pack so it is hidden. You may elaborately distract so it stays hidden away. You may create many a false bottom so customs won't notice the hidden secret. Maybe its some serious poison drug or maybe its just some duty free cigarettes, or some Italian Sausages, Kailua or duty free Rum but we all smuggle something, for money, hedonistic pleasure, the joy of eating, or just for the fun.
NOTICE TO PASSENGERS: Each passenger is entitled to 2 pieces of luggage not to exceed 20 kilos, and one carry on not including BRIEF CASE or Handbag. Excess baggage fee will be 1% of the First Class fare in the route that you are traveling. Man, I didn't realize how expensive excess baggage can be. And I am carrying around a lot of excess baggage, from childhood, from my teens, from my 1st marriage, from motherhood....maybe I can leave some of this in the "Lost Luggage"Room of Life. Ah the load is much lighter now. Let GO!
The Delayed 400
The 400 normal ETA 1600hrs zulu didn't arrive til after midnight. A full DC-10, The City of Anowac, perhaps. 250 plus passengers, all tired, slept-in, wrinkled clothes. Slowly wandering the IAB to Immigration.
The crew had long gone to their Bus and hotel in the City. But Mexican immigrants, returning American Tourist with their burnt noses, and transits to Europe still have to pass Customs-Immigration. Explain how to fill out the forms, in sign language, I help an elderly Italian grandma. She gives me her passport and she pulls from her pocket a new born kitten. SHHH!
Geraldo's Limousine Service
A little bit of Mejico right here in NYC. The chauffeurs drive back and forth between Manhattan and JFK like they are driving in La Ciudad de Mejico. They weave in and out of three and four lane traffic like a cut horse thru the herd. The crews feel right at home and think nothing of convincing the chauffeurs to stop at the Fiyucarro Stores before they close. A little mordida aqui a little mordida aya. Where's the crew pick-up Omni or Summit? We've got to get to AirFrance for the papers on time. "Hondale' Pinche, Cabrone!-
Fasten Your Seatbelts
Flight Attendants prepare for Take-OFF. Ladies and Gentlemen, Thank you for flying with us. The Captain has turned-on the "Fasten Your Seatbelt"sign. Please note the emergency instructions in the seatback pocket in front of you. Note the emergency exits. Be prepared to use them anytime you get anxious. Also Note your seats can be used as a floatation device in the event we crash in water. In the Event of lack of oxygen the oxygen masks should drop from the panel above you. So now Fasten Your Seatbelts, its surely going to be a BUMPY Flight!
Aeromexico announcia la salida de su vuelo 405 con destino de Ciudad de Mexico y Acapulco hora en segundo piso a las puerto veintedos.
Better start doing the Gate 22 hussle, 300 passengers to board and you're the only gate agent. Walkie Talkies don't work. Batteries died in the fifth hour of the delay. Now passengers wander the IAB like sleepwalkers in beach clothes. Pass security. Check the Gate. Crew on Board, galleys loaded. The Mayor signs off, the Captain okays. And now just get 300 tired sleepwalkers to pass the Gate quickly. Anyone important in the First Class Lounge?
Big Burly Loud Boisterous, thick tongued accents that match their build and their Mothertongue. Did they say, "Mousse and Sckwhirl-? Big
Tooled Leather cover with Gold Embossed Lettering and fancy seals on Passports. The Diplomatic Pouch that travels First Class from Moscow via Ciudad de Mexico a Havana must have an escort and so these Cossacks receive Boarding Passes and entry to the FIRST CLASS LOUNGE. Charo sees The Russians on the First Class lists. She runs to the Lounge to hide the extra liquor before it is all drunk. Some Sterotypes exist for a reason.
Maria Felix, La Rena de Mexico, Llegar 4th May 1914 en Alamos. But Aeromexico is her personal fleet. The Blonde Polaks are always her chauffeurs and doormen, and bell captains of boat loads of expensive luggage. To look at her,(if a cat dare look at a queen) in her black sleek helmet of hair and tight black leather pant suits you would never know she was an octogenarian. "Never lift anything-, She tells me,-This is for men to do for us. It is unfeminine.-As she lets the aromatic little Blonde Polak throw all her excess baggage waived on the belt.
She silently dismisses her chauffeur and guides to the First Class Lounge. She knows the way and is expected. She is the Reigning Queen of Mexico, Legend of a land of cactus and tequila. Pepe, El Chaparito, worships at her feet. She is a Goddess, A
Woman without a Soul
. They say when asked how old she was she replied, "Mire, seÃƒÆ'Ã‚Â±orita, yo he estado muy ocupada viviendo mi vida y no he tenido tiempo de contarla."[
I have been very busy living my life and I've not had time to tell it.
] Salida April 8, 2002. Buen Viaje, Maria.
Who did we send to the First Class Lounge? John Belushi, Palcido Domingo, Pali, Jimmy Smits, Al Roker, Cantinflas, Pete Hamil, Maria Felix, Maria Felix, Buddy Rich, Farrah Fawcett, Richard Druyfess and many more escape me now. Buddy Richs' Band came thru to play at some hotel in Mexico. Chatted up one of the bass players. He serenaded me in Customs with "I remember you." Complete
He had a nice voice. "I remember you, You're the one who made My dreams come true, A few kisses ago. I remember you, You're the one who said "I love you, too,"
Best Celebrity moment was when Mannie Rodriquez checked-in Richard Druyfess. She had no idea who he was but I did! I instructed Manny to send him to the FirstClass Lounge. I dunno if he was acting but he looked duly grateful. We had a delay. Flying the DC-8's, so our 1st class was small, six seats. Mr Druyfess on board. Maintenance finally solved the problem. I apologized for the delay. He smiled. I said, "I bet this is going to be some experience for you." He shot me a dazzling grin. A great bellylaugh followed. Ahhh to make Druyfess laugh!
They say the DOE was the first DC-8 built for Delta. We flew it for years. Is it still in service or in an aviation graveyard in a desert somewhere or maybe a drug cartel has procured it. Could a developing country further down the food chain fly it now? The DC-10's, great giants of flying metal with GE engines. 30plus K's of metal alloy and power moving down the tarmac to 22L. Castillo de Chapultepec and AnÃƒÆ'Ã‚Â¡huac, great metal birds lets find your center of gravity and take-off. Wait for Air France to call with airborne time and ETA.
Hardstand 56, I think it was 56. The Air France Concorde was always parked there. That sleek long vessel that looked more praying mantis than aircraft. And I still can't believe that you do not remember being out on the tarmac. Driving around in the AM vehicle. Black Ford Station Wagon with vanity plates JFKOAAM. Teri and I driving you around with us maybe going to Sky Del for food. Teri taking you up the stairs to visit the AF Concorde cockpit. Well I think it was but then the memory does play tricks on us. ITS ALL GONE NOW.
There weren't very many places to eat at JFK Besides they were all serviced by HOST on the APO grounds. How many bowls of Beef Vegetable soup can you have anyway? So it was great when the Candy Shop arrived with their croissants and espresso. We had plenty of test breakfasts from the flights. After all someone had to do quality control for the passengers. Of course there was always Sky-Deli, and The Owl. I can't remember the name of the Chinese place in LI that delivered but I do remember Cacho calling to complain, -Ten Dollars worth of VEG-TAB-ABLES!-
The Best Christmas Party ever held at JFK IAB was held by Aeromexico on the second floor lounge. Everyone from Delta, TWA, All the Foreign Flag Carriers, Duty Free, Triangle and Marriot. Mapi's little brother Jose was our DJ and he was excellent at blending one LP to the next, Disco down tonight. Food and Liqueur flowed. I'll bet people still remember that party. In the aftermath, Iberia charged AM for re-polishing the floors, Marriot charged AM for food supplied and Henry Velarde had to find a new job. Many a lesson learned here. "Its Party Night. Party down tonight.-
We shared the terminal with Iberia. I guess its appropriate that Iberia should be the mother airline for Aeromexico. I remember Manny and Jose from Iberia warning us that we were on the tail end of the "haydays"of commercial aviation. De-regulation was on its way. The Iberia Staff were older, wiser and they were right. I remember the supervisor of Iberia staff would sit every evening to do the statistics from their flight with a gallon of Jose & Julio Gallo Burgundy wine at his feet. Buen Viaje Iberia! No its only your staff you'll cut-loose. Disposable workers vanish.
Margarita stories were many and varied. Stories Margarita told; not the ones told about her. There aren't enough words. She changed her name to Margarita because she wanted to be Spanish. Her desire to speak a foreign language was so strong that she pretended to speak a foreign tongue to other kids in a park when she was twelve. She started her career as an Intern Translator in the IAB. Then went to work for Aer Ingus because they handled Dominicana. I always liked her statement that AI supervisors let everyone drink in the first class lounge after the flights.
Margarita introduced me to Julio Iglesias whom I loved when singing en espaÃƒÆ'Ã‚Â±ol but lost interest once he sang in English. She loved to tell stories about her adventures "en espaÃƒÆ'Ã‚Â±a, and her adventures with the opposite sex. When she lived in Long Beach LI they used to write phonenumbers and messages on the kitchen wall by the phone. She and Alberto certainly had a "thing"through the years and many flings. I remember the night they were sent to Sky Deli for food. Never came back till the 404 was on tower. Something about a robbery at gun point.
Alberto and Margarita did seem to go together, novios siempre until they weren't. Always clowning, always joking, always fighting. Alberto was a ham and a pussy hound but loveable somehow. The only person I know who would actually sit and try 999 combinations to open a lock on luggage in the Customs Lost Luggage Storage Room in the IAB. A card, a cad, an Argentine Lad, a mimic, a prankster and yet he wouldn't drive over the speedlimit ever. Even when driving home to Chelsea Passenger Sales and Service Agent APO, Ann Stubbs. Chee Alberto donde esta tu? Donde Fue?
Ann Stubbs, an Aeromexico enigma. In descript dishwater blonde. They say the first gringa hired by the Mexican Staff so no other gringas were hired for years in Reservations. Who would ask passengers if their Luggage was "Fragile"and then when they said "YES"would proceed to stamp "Fragile Stickers"all over their luggage so fiercely their eyes would open wide in disbelief. Ann Stubbs who lived in a store front in Chelsea with a couple German Sheppards. What exactly made you leave a scrap of paper under the Concorde's door saying, "I QUIT!"I guess we will never know.
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