REPORT A PROBLEM
Things have changed so much in a short span; you are a stranger. At once I didn't want to be around you any longer. Before, your quirks didn't annoy me. I got used to your lack of punctuality and follow-through. Your poor speaking... your lack of knowledge. I loved
... for your heart and innocence. But lately you are in love with yourself. And it disgusts me. You are not as smart, talented and attractive as you think - and what you don't realize is while you're not dumb, inept or ugly - you are foolish. You're fooling no one but you.
For the first time this year, I'm feeling unmotivated to do what I do daily: my grades. I am neurotic about keeping my students' grades updated and available. Yesterday, because of missing my prep due to training, I didn't have time during the day and then I had an ILT meeting after school and two crises directly following. Last night I had to do union work. Which leaves me today, on a shortened schedule, with grades needing to be done and NO desire to do them because I'm so overwhelmed. I'll do it Saturday while Kris is at the game.
Freshman year at Siena, KD was in charge of coordinating Student Events. We used to go to various performances she booked to show support. One of the first ones was in our coffee house series and it was a singer/songwriting named Christine Kane. Who knew that all these years later she would still be one of my favorite artists? Presently she is touring with the North Carolina Ballet and performing live music for their "Under Southern Skies"show. Kris and I are going to see my mom the weekend it's at StonyBrook; she has NO CLUE that we're taking her!
This morning at the grocery checkout the man in front of me, also using a hand-held basket, placed his under the end of the little conveyor thing right as I got there. I placed my items on the belt and went to put my basket down but it wouldn't go. It was driving me crazy because I couldn't figure out why not. I finally realize that instead of having the handles going in opposite directions, he had placed them going the same way. What kind of idiot doesn't realize what a pain in the ass that is for the next?
My birthday is a week from Tuesday, but Kris gave me my gift early... Thursday night. He got me the "Magic Bullet-. I'm not an infomercial shopper, but every time I see the commercial I go on and on about how great it seems. Guess he got sick of hearing it! Yesterday was test run day. We had smoothies for breakfast, then for an afternoon snack I made nachos, salsa and guacamole. For dinner it was pasta with pesto sauce. Chocolate mousse for dessert. What an excellent invention. I can't wait to use it more! Oh, the joys of consumerism.
Spike is odd. His new favorite thing to do is pretend he's not playing. He's like a little kid who thinks he's getting too old to play (ha!!). He will find something on the floor... a piece of one of Mugsy's toys too small to warrant her attention, a piece of cardboard from the box he constantly chews, start batting it around and going insane -- then quickly stop, sit, and lick his paw (front left). He'll walk off and investigate something in the kitchen, beg for love (he's ridiculously affectionate), and act as if he never played. So odd.
Today I have sex goddess hair. My hair was REALLY annoying me this morning and I've been touching it all day because I had this weird section that was sticking out kind of strangely. Apparently I did something right because I just went into the bathroom for my daily pee before 7th block and was like "Holy SHIT, I'm hot!" It's perfect. I'm not kidding! Has the nice little wave to it and you actually can't see my disgusting amount of grey (note to self: mark your part so that we can hide the grey EVERY day). I'm fucking hot.
Here are some things I did today:
- Woke up.
- Saw that Laura made the front page.
- Called her.
- Went to school.
- Taught classes.
- Avoided my grading (again)
- Wrote Jenny a HUGE email
- Went to an eval plan meeting
- Attended faculty meeting
- Ran a union meeting
- Talked to Melanie.
- Talked to Melanie again.
- Talked to Melanie a third time.
- Cooked dinner for Kris and I.
- Saw Tony Fiumafredo on tv.
- IMed JS about the above bullet.
- Complained about my stomach.
A fairly uneventful day.
Last night before American Idol the news came on briefly, and we were warned by meteorologist Steve Capporizo that we'd have freezing rain in the morning and schools might be delayed. I had heard nothing of the sort but of course began my dance when he said, "Schools may be delayed." Kris decided he'd head over to Albany a little early so that he wouldn't have to deal with it. So when I woke up at 4:44 to pee I decided to just stay up and offered to wake him when I was done in the shower. There's no delay.
After eating, Mugsy will walk around being Mugsy and then pause, seem to undulate, and then belch. Every time she eats. Those who are around our apartment on a fairly regular basis are familiar with this, as are those we visit. My mom thinks it's one of the most amusing things she's ever seen. Mugsy is fairly small, as I've probably described before, and yet these belches are large, healthy and comforting. Earlier, I looked up from the weather report and saw Kris standing in the doorway between the living room and kitchen. "Here it comes,"he said. The belch.
Along with my obsession with reality tv, I've developed an insane liking for ESPN. Not that I'm into sports, mind you, but it's the freaking human interest stories they show on weekend mornings that make you cry. Well, make ME cry. Who ever thought I'd get sucked into SportsCenter... with its cancer succumbers picking the first play of a college football game or emotional missed free throw? Not I... my friend, not I. And yet I find myself, every weekend morning, getting sucked into at least 3 but no more than 10 minutes of sappy ridiculousness. Oh, well... it's GOOD!
Games are a huge part of our lives. And while we sometimes remind children that it's not time for games, or that they should realize "this isn't a game-, games are important to us. Be it the games we played as children like kickball and "Steal The Bacon-, to those we played as teens such as "Spin The Bottle"and "Truth or Dare-, they shape who we are. I spent countless hours playing Monopoly with my brother and the amount of board games my mom and I have played can't be counted. At 28 I play Scrabble daily at lunch.
Attached to the top of the Energizer plant a block from my house is a fluorescent orange wind sock. I noticed it the first summer I moved in. There was this couch in the lobby we'd (whomever was visiting or my friends from up here and I) move onto the porch. Or sometimes to sit and just hang out. And you could see it. I remember one time Mike. C. stopped by after our infamous date and it was about to storm. We took the couch out and the sky was that awesome electrified grey. The sock was incredibly visible.
Today is my birthday, but I'm not excited. For two months I've avoided scheduling any meetings on this day... to give myself that simple joy of leaving work at a normal time and going out to dinner. But nooooooo... on Wednesday I got an email that Stormin' Norman needed me to set up a 5 p.m. meeting for tonight to discuss our grievance that's going to binding arbitration. And then yesterday, at team meeting, my guidance counselor tells us that the two meetings that were supposed to happen back-to-back yesterday after school will happen today. Happy freaking birthday to me!
This morning I went out to my car to leave for work and noticed the driver's side door open a bit. Not a good thing to see first thing in the morning. Even worse? My school bag was missing. I got home late last night because of a meeting about binding arbitration and so I decided since it was my birthday I would just leave my shit in my car. That means leaving my clutch in my bag. Car was locked. And yet some fool still went and stole my bag. Credit cards, iPod, license... it was a fun day.
Standing at the window she counts cars as they speed past. Since she was a child it has been her habit to "zoom in"and visualize folks on their way to and from their day-to-day. Watching them, she laughs at the fat man in the business suit picking his nose, blushes as the man slides his hand under the skirt of his date, and laughs at the baby tossing cheerios into his mother's curls. From the 28th floor she feels like God, floating above, watching lives that no one knows she sees. Waiting for the car that beckons her landing.
My body is in constant rebellion lately. I don't know why. For weeks I've been losing weight for no reason and have been ill at random intervals. That stopped for a while then last night began again. Of course, my fat ass could stand to lose a few pounds, but it's scary to lose weight for no reason. Last night I was really sick and then felt better but this afternoon it started again. I also have a huge zit on my chin. Sometimes I really hate my physiology. Because it seems to hate me equally if not more intensely.
Why today was so great:
1. I woke up to find out I made it into UPDP
2. My stomach wasn't bothering me (yesterday was BAD)
3. Lots of people came to the event
4. FLASK came to the event
5. The Mulligatawny came out great
6. Mugsy behaved during the potluck
7. People enjoyed themselves
8. Laura and I hit four caches
9. I scored an awesome pen
10. We had a girl-talk pow-wow in the bathroom (reminded me of B'klyn)
11. Steph gave me an awesome book for my birthday
12. People are logging lots of finds
Besides everything GeoCaching gives, it also keeps me humble. So far, at both events I've given, I've met someone about whom I've made a face to Laura, and later we're sitting around talking about how awesome they are. Can't judge a book by the cover.
While looking up a word for Scrabble I discovered this one: gazumper (one who gazumps). And what does gazump mean? To cheat by changing the agreed upon price. This will be a new part of my daily vocabulary. He gazumped me! That damn gazumper. Don't you even be thinkin' about gazumpin' my ass, yo!
Things seem to be falling into place. Between scoring my UPDP interview and a successful caching event I'm feeling like maybe my life doesn't suck as much as it did last week. And yet I also have this feeling of, "But it will catch up with me." I guess the way I need to it is that the GOOD caught up with me after all the bad. Of course with the good come a host of other issues, such as the fear of being away from Kris for a month. I know it's only a month. And there's also interview-anxiety...
The email came from Willie Cook regarding my UPDP interview. I have to call their travel agency who will direct bill NEA. My hotel reservation information will be sent after I book my flights. My interview is on Thursday, 27 April. In the email it gives directions from the metro. I can take the metro from the airport. The interesting thing? I have to take the train to a stop where I get out on Vermont Place before walking to NEA on M Street. I live in Vermont. I used to live off Avenue M. This MUST be a sign!
I am so fucking hungry. I am so fucking hungry. I am so fucking hungry. I am so fucking hungry. I am so fucking hungry. I am so fucking hungry. I am so fucking hungry. I am so fucking hungry. I am so fucking hungry. I am so fucking hungry. I am so fucking hungry. I am so fucking hungry. I am so fucking hungry. I am so fucking hungry. I am so fucking hungry. I am so fucking hungry. I am so fucking hungry. I am so fucking hungry. I am so fucking hungry. I am so fucking hungry.
This month's hundred words is going to suck. Not everyone's but mine. Last month, by challenging myself, I turned out what I believe to be some of my best writing on here thus far. This month, but not sticking to any structure, I suck. I was writing at the same time every day, putting so much thought into it, and this month I'm kind of like, "Eh... whatever-. And I hate that... because that's not who I am. I have to start thinking about what I'm going to do for April. Because it's less than a week until the first.
Today is binding arbitration. From what I understand it's a great deal like going to court. Your representation (for me: UniServ) asks you some questions, mostly referencing the grievance; next you are "cross-examined"by the other party's representation (for me: the board's lawyer). I have no problem with this, however from what I hear, some of the questions might be the type to ignite my temper. I'm learning more and more as I get older that Polish and Italian isn't the best mix if you want a kid with a long fuse. Oh well, at least this'll be over soon.
We've been so busy lately that dinner has been a great deal of canned soup and quick salads. Maybe a sandwich. Leftovers from the caching event. Last night I was cooking my awesome pasta dish everyone loves and complaining because I didn't have any of the spices I needed.
We just got back from the laundromat and I decided to put together the spice rack Laura gave me for my birthday. It's gorgeous from the picture on the box. I took it out and Kris and I both yell, "It comes with the spices!"
So I had them all along!
Desire is a strange thing. Lately, he has the desire to be mean. It happens every few months: this strong, intense need to hurt someone. Not physically, though. Nah, he doesn't want to get arrested or have to worry about them recovering. No, he wants to hurt someone at their deepest level and make sure they don't forget it was he who fucked them up. He wonders if this is some sort of pathology... if maybe something is wrong with him. It's not exactly something you'd ask a friend, "Hey, you ever want to totally fuck with someone's life?" Hm...
It appears that Spring has finally arrived. It will hit 50 today, and be in the 60's later this week. Finally. I have been waiting for Spring. I can't handle how cold it's been; it's late March. It will be 63 Friday when we drive down to Long Island. No clue what the weather looks like down there, but that's fine, because it's going to be nice here... and here is where I spend the bulk of my time. It's finally time to break out the cropped slacks and bright polo shirts and maybe even do some shopping. Yay, Spring!
I am counting the minutes until we head to the island. I have really missed being home. And Kris is being very accommodating in our plans... even joining me to hit three caches in the Muttontown Preserve. I'm excited about that, especially, because it was such a huge part of my childhood and I'm looking forward to sharing it with him. We won't get home until late on Friday, but Saturday we'll cache and then eat with mom before taking her to the ballet. And then Sunday it's a quick stop in the city before going back to Bennington. Yay!
For April break I'm headed to Long Island with Laura. We're going to leave Easter night and stay until Thursday. That means caching, caching, caching! Of course it also means shopping for a suit and new school bag (interview!). I'm looking forward to heading down. She seems to enjoy Brooklyn as much as I do which means we'll get to do some eating of Pete's and I think I may want to do a little shopping. Just hit Kings Highway... I miss Annie Sez. But the caching is the thing to which I most look forward. Nothing like LI caching!
My depression is growing. I think part of it may be PMS but even so, I'm usually not this bad this late in the year. Usually by this time I'm feeling the warmth of spring and getting excited for all it has to bring. But I find I'm not motivated to wake up, because that means going to work. I'm serious. I freaking hate my job lately. The kids are simply not held accountable and I feel like we're preparing them for a miserable adulthood by not teaching them to be accountable. It's our job to produce literate, responsible citizens.
I am so excited I can barely contain myself! I just really want to go home. Of course Kris will probably end up having to work late so I won't really get much of the LI experience tonight but there's tomorrow and part of Sunday. He wants to go to Henry's Sunday. That's kind of funny. I think I want to drive home through the city if it's nice out so that I can drop some TBs but maybe it's just better to drop them by my mom's tomorrow when Kris and I hit those three caches. Tons to do!
The Tip Jar