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BY ME114

03/01 Direct Link
The Night of Fourteen Cats

It was this past Saturday. First, of course, are my five. Then, there were five or six shelter cats from The Whiskers Project at the pet store - Iíll say five. I remember five. There was a customer who brought her cat with her. Then, when I got home, the cat I call ďTabĒ showed up with his tortoiseshell girlfriend who I hope is spayed. She's shy enough just to stay at a distance. Then a small gray cat showed up who was even shyer but also hungry, so I put out three bowls of food.
03/02 Direct Link
Cat tree, no regrets. Mietteís slight hesitation at first told me Iíd been teaching her that climbing and jumping are bad because she was in places I didnít want her to be. Sheís already happier and doesnít often jump to where I donít want her.

Iíve learned a lesson. Appropriate outlets for oneís natural inclinations, energies and passions are very important. Otherwise, this need turns towards undesirable, sometimes destructive behavior. (Watch Supernanny and The Dog Whisperer.) In adults, maybe this lack of fulfillment leads to illness, addictions, even crime.

Have you been denying your nature?
Do you need creative outlets?
03/03 Direct Link
I brought C.B. to the vet school again. His tumor is growing back. Other than a few related symptoms, he's doing well. They told me another round of radiation treatments may be safe enough, but how many he can have is limited.

C.B. and Cato are nearly 18. It's a pretty good lifespan for cats, but so what? Couldn't C.B. live with the tumor and make it to 20? The vet said no.

Somehow, it reminds me of Dad. He was 86, but there was nothing life threatening we knew of. I'd counted on Dad to live to his 90's.
03/04 Direct Link

I came across journals from when I was staying in NY starting in 2006. Why did I stay for months? I wrote that Mom would be getting out of the hospital soon and maybe Iíd stay an extra week to see some friends and go have some fun. It didnít turn out that way. Mom kept feeling sick, she and Dad needed my help, and then there were legal and medical issues and paperwork. I stayed for months feeling trapped in the apartment, my parents not wanting me to be gone for more than an about hour at a time.

03/05 Direct Link

Sarah helped me with something in my house, thatís all Iíll say. I went out that night with Sarah, her husband (who has the same name as my brother which still feels strange to me) and Crystal. I suggested we see the Big Don band, because I know Big Don. Heís a really good guitar player. Danny thought so, and he sometimes sat in for Danny and replaced him in Tangents briefly. We listened awhile, but that club was crowded and uncomfortable. Then, Sarah and Kenneth related the horrible experiences of living with his family when they were first married.

03/06 Direct Link

Kim and I went to see Alice in Wonderland. I had to - Iím a fan of Lewis Carroll, Tim Burton, Johnny Depp and Danny Elfman, who Iím glad is back doing music for Tim Burton.† Besides, since Avatar, I crave 3D movies. Yes, I enjoyed it. Iím such a nerd, Iíll bet I was the only person in that theater who knows the poem Jabberwocky by heart and therefore knew many of the references.† Okay, Iím sure there were some people who also knew the references from the literature, but how many people can recite Jabberwocky on a momentís notice?

03/07 Direct Link
I've forgotten to write for a few days. †I usually have in mind what to write about even when I've forgotten, but I've forgotten. †Scares me, I hope I don't become like Mom with her memory loss problems. †She was in the hospital for pneumonia and after that, has had trouble walking. †She's presently in a facility where she gets physical therapy and is more confused than ever. †I said something to her about Fairview, she said, "What's Fairview?" †I said, "It's where you are right now. †You're only there temporarily." †I HOPE it will only be temporary. †It's scary.†
03/08 Direct Link
What did I do Monday? †What's been going on? †Oh, this: †My brother has been trying to get the tax form Mom had received from having sold the apartment in Astoria, but it's nowhere to be found. †Ken's been calling me and telling me all about it. †I never did write about having FINALLY sold the apartment. †It was an ordeal, especially with each trip I made in attempts to empty the apartment by myself, and there were several. †Maybe I did the best I could, though my best never seemed enough. †But at last, it sold in October 2009.
03/09 Direct Link

What a relief! †I've been trying desperately to find someone who could drive CB and I to the vet clinic in Sandy Springs, which is Atlanta. †I've never driven to Atlanta, and I'd be nervous to try. †I think I'd be willing to do it for my cat, but not with him. †He needs me to hold him or he'll cry during the whole trip. †Luckily, I found someone on Craig's List who will definitely cost less than a cab. †This might turn out to be someone I can hire to take me to the airport when and if needed.

03/10 Direct Link
I let CB walk with his leash and harness at the Feline Waiting area.††He immediately found the nearby office he went into last time.††Didnít mean to barge in during a conversation, but I left that up to CB.††When the two women saw him, they ooohed in delighted surprise.††The lady whose office it is recognized him, picked him up, hugged him saying, ďThis is my baby!Ē†
CB rubbed his face on hers.††Iím proud of him.
I said, ďHeís become quite the flirt in his old age.Ē††CB†used to be shy except with Danny and me.
03/11 Direct Link
Rick and his band played at The Melting Point. Kim and I went early and had dinner there, sitting up on the second level with a nice view. Rainy with a thick fog rolling in on a Thursday night, it was uncrowded, comfortable. Sounded terrific, of course, and they invited a few other musicians onstage. First set was all originals and I was happy to hear two new songs; Rick is a good songwriter. Enjoyed seeing musician friends.
Of course, Iím sad that Danny wasnít and would have been there, but happy memories help, and I had a great time!
03/12 Direct Link
Iíve been feeling strangely happy, especially since last night. Why is this lasting so long? Yes, I had a good time and I guess I felt loved by my friends. It doesnít mean Iím not still grieving. Sometimes I think itís chemical like depression often is. Iím not biplolar, unless thereís a slight tendency there I donít know about. Is it okay to feel good even when feeling good seems pointless because youíre still grieving the person you love more than anyone else in the world? Days are still running together and feeling surreal even while Iím in good moods.
03/13 Direct Link
Went shopping with Kim in Commerce again for various things. Then we went to Tea Garden, that Chinese and Thai restaurant we like. I wish I could stand to eat hot spicy food. How do people do it? While I know that there are many cultures in which people grow up eating it, many donít who get into it as adults. Iíve rarely been able to do it. For a short time I tried to eat it often to get used to it, but then I developed heartburn.
So many people eat even the extremely hot spicy food, but how?
03/14 Direct Link
Had silly thoughts about daylight savings time. Being up much too late, I noticed the change comes on - at least on the TV Guide station - at 2 a.m. Thatís whatís missing. It goes from 1 to 1:30 to 3:00. So, you early people thought it was midnight. Now you know the hour thatís missing is from 2 - 3 a.m., at least on TV. And what happens to that hour? Okay, we take it back in the fall. If we didnít, I guess time would just get later and later. Of course, itís just a measurement according to our sun anyway.
03/15 Direct Link
Probably two years since I opened any windows, swept pine straw off the deck and eliminated some cobwebs. Not that Iíve kept myself shut in this house as a total hermit widow, it just feels that way. Doing these things felt like trying to break some of my grief, and I cried a little. Children and adults were playing, jumping rope, ďIce cream ice cream cherry on the topÖĒ The cats loved seeing and hearing the outdoors. Itís the first open windows (with screens) Miette has ever experienced since birth. I donít know if sheís yet a year old; maybe.
03/16 Direct Link
Thanks to Troy for bringing me to Atlanta to pick up CB from the vet clinic. Like last time, he looks worse than when I brought him in. Hopefully, good effects of the radiation will happen soon and last longer. I held CB so he didnít have to stay in his carrier crying the whole time. I just had to keep him from trying to get in the back seat of the truck. Troy played some CDís the band had been recording, some with parts that Danny had played. I hadnít listened in awhile. Danny's guitar playing was always amazing.
03/17 Direct Link
Last night after I got home I went over to Kimís. We made sandwiches with her new panini press. There are definitely some things I like about it better than my sandwich grill. Basically the same, butÖ I wonít go into details. I bought over a few items: some sliced portobellos, an avocado, arugula, a spread and a few other things. My philosophy on making sandwiches is, pile it in! Why be skimpy with ingredients? Youíre not just flavoring the bread. Have some fun with it. Kim heated some soup, we had chips, it was really nice all in all.
03/18 Direct Link
Yesterday, St. Patrickís Day was Jeannieís and Miriamís birthdays and neither of them are Irish. Theyíre a year apart. I meant to write about it then, on the day. I remember in high school, Jeannie would wear green. Didnít she even have green nail polish? Once or twice Iíd said, ďI didnít know you were Irish.Ē She said, ďIím not. Itís something else.Ē I felt terrible that I hadnít remembered her birthday, but after that second time or whatever it was, I made sure not to forget. One year, a little party, green food coloring. No room to write more.
03/19 Direct Link
Wrote a long letter to someone Iíd met on Facebook. I started writing about where all my cats came from and couldnít stop. In short, Cato and C.B. showed up with their mother, Sophie when they were small kittens in 1992. Iíve told Kojiís and Mietteís stories in previous entries. Serena was the only one weíd adopted officially from the shelter. Miette was from the shelter, but I took her before she had to go into their system. I didnít leave out the cats who are gone: Rianne, Isis (Rianneís daughter), Sophie and Chloe. The puppy is another story.
03/20 Direct Link
I get ideas sometimes that I latch onto. Itís not that Iím a cosmetics fanatic, but Iíd decided I want to get them all organized into one place, or at least the lipsticks. So I started looking for lipstick organizers but none were right. I put them all in one box for now, though a larger box would be easier. First eBay, Amazon, then to YouTube for ideas. Iíve seen some very good makeup tutorials there before. There are lots of them. Itís incredible how much makeup some women collect. I learned about brands and techniques with some storage ideas.
03/21 Direct Link
My aunt called today wondering where Mom was. She said she had tried to call and Momís answering machine was unplugged, or something. That always happens. It never occurred to me to notify my aunts (Dadís sisters) that Mom is in a rehabilitation center since she got out of the hospital after her bout with pneumonia. I donít know why she had problems walking after that, but Iím relieved sheíll be going back to her assisted living facility this Thursday. Mom is even more confused than ever and wasnít even sure where she lives when I last spoke with her.
03/22 Direct Link
I've decided to go back to school, Athens Tech. I don't know what else to do at the moment and decided I'll start in the summer. I need training and hopefully a new career. At my age, this won't be easy, but I've never known any age to be easy in these matters. I may as well forget the graphic arts field, there's less and less work in it. I'm sick of office work, but I'll start in general business anyway. Maybe I'll stay in it, maybe I'll change. I think I may want to teach, but not large classes.
03/23 Direct Link
Can't think of what I want to write. How about a silly stream of consciousness thing like I did when I first started 100 Words? Okay, but why do I feel uneasy about it? I'll try. Random sentences, here goes.

Beyond whatever she was thinking, somewhere out there lay a grain of truth in a vast desert of other people's ideas. Sunset approached, and with it, came a mass migration of spectacular aircraft. "I don't know where you're going with this, I mean me!" yelled the rider to his horse. The wind picked up and my mind went with it.
03/24 Direct Link
Iíve learned some odd expressions from Kim. I think most or all are country southern because many are still new to me. I wonder how ďbroke as a snakeĒ came about. Snakes could never wear pants and would therefore have no pockets? Recently I heard Kim use ďhoodoo.Ē I always thought it was a variation of ďvoodoo.Ē The dictionary says so. In this case, it meant bullshit or manipulation. Well, I probably learned some weird ones from my parents, too, with just a few in Yiddish. ďMore than you could shake a stick atĒ Mom said she got from Grandma.
03/25 Direct Link
Mom went home today to her assisted living facility. Iím extremely grateful to Justine, the social worker there for helping me with Mom in many ways. Justine has known her for 10 years because she used to work at NORC, which served the two co-ops when Mom and Dad still lived in Astoria. Itís an amazing coincidence she went on to work where Mom lives now. Itís obvious to Justine that Mom needs a higher level of care because sheís so confused. Hopefully, this will be temporary once Mom gets back into the routine there. Iíll call her now.
03/26 Direct Link
Shortened from a post I put on Cat of the Day:

Don't let her give up on Max. Back when Rianne started refusing food, the usual vet I took her to then had me force-feed her and she acted like she was ready to die. A holistic vet had her eating chicken overnight and Rianne went on to live another two years. I agree, they could put Max on an appetite stimulant. C.B. is eating okay probably due to the liquid Prednisone he's on mainly for inflammation in his face, but it helps appetite and heís gained weight.
03/27 Direct Link
Kim asked me to look up a club someone told her about in Buford. I happened to be using her computer, so I showed it to her and it turned out that a Journey tribute band was going to play there Friday. Although sheís usually too tired Fridays, she wanted to go and to bring friend David as a birthday gift to him. That was last night. Iíd never been a Journey fan, but I like them okay, and theyíd both seen Journey recently. The band was really good and the singer had an amazing voice. We were all impressed.
03/28 Direct Link
I couldnít think of anything I wanted to write about, so I fell back on Magnetic Poetry again. I started with the words ďsleepĒ and ďbed,Ē and this is what came out.

Languid, lazy and weak
Sleeping through days in a bed of
Sad and bitter dreaminess
Watching TV and time going by so fast
Rain, sun and wind are over there
Away from these shadows
I screamed and cried
As death robbed me of the man I will always love
I want my life with his
Yet I must go on somehow without him
Wanting to live after all
03/29 Direct Link
I screwed up yesterdayís entry. I wanted part of it to look more italic than this in Arial Italic does, so I used Times, which looks like this in italic and then it was too small, so I tried making it a little bigger but made it too big like this and hit ďsubmitĒ by mistake. I wish there would be one more chance to change it before itís final. I wasnít as happy with the Rich Text Editor, and itís good practice for me to use HTML.

Now that Iíve bored whoever might read this, see my other entries.
03/30 Direct Link
Again, Iíll skip a month. Almost always, I write these late at night, or really, early in the morning. Itís just another thing I end up putting off. How Iíll handle going back to school, I donít know. Iím scheduled for the placement test in two weeks - no, less than two weeks. I got the notice a day or two ago. Math is what Iím worried about, especially algebra. I have yet to practice any of it. If I can keep up with my classes, maybe Iíll stop having the recurring nightmare that Iím suddenly in school and totally unprepared.
03/31 Direct Link
I wrote about cats even more. CB has started to have some very good results from this past round of radiation treatments. After the physical rehabilitation facility, Iím glad Mom is back home at assisted living. Just spoke with her and sheís still very confused, but okay otherwise. March was fun with friends and seeing movies, bands and shopping. Jeannieís and Miriamís birthdays on St. Patrickís Day is always important to me. Deciding and preparing to go to school is, too. Did some creative writing with Magnetic Poetry, stream-of-consciousness sentences, thoughts, memories, and gratitude for friends and others.