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11/01 Direct Link
No worries he says. She worries more. What is it for? Who is it from? Who can know when its said and done. He wakes up late forgets to kiss her, she stays out later so he might miss her. Who knows when itís unsaid, undone. The calls become shorter, notes never written, the days that are longed for the days they were smitten no longer last when life becomes life. No longer does he ask say heíd like her for his wife. She doesnít care itís the principal Iíd say. An ego, a splinter in the bets they wage.
11/02 Direct Link
Have I revealed too much in my attempt to connect? Did I give you more than you could ever expect? The yin, the yang, the confusion in its ball. Confucius answers great things they may fall. They will rebuild youíll trust once again. We wonít have to get drunk to act like weíre friends. Iíll give it up but you must respond. Its my way to give up yet linger on. These thoughts that I might think to make me small- mirror, mirror on the wall. Whoís the one with the quickest draw? Whoís the one with the biggest flaw?
11/03 Direct Link
There is a creaking where there used to be nothing. Free flowing it was but now there is something, like glue like fog pushing its way through my body. There are aches there is pain, a portion of me has been claimed. Is it aging? Is it my life as it wanes? I remember when this wasnít so, when the fog rolled in slow, remaining only in my mind sometimes extending to my heart, but I suppose that is how it is at the start. Beginning so slowly but moving faster with the years, shooting through the veins propelled by fear.
11/04 Direct Link
She lays and wonders when the clouds will cover her again. Showers and thunders, shelter from her blunders she still cannot make sense of them. I love you dearly I hope if you can hear me you will say that youíll be coming home. Because weíre getting older, I donít think I can shoulder this new life alone. Taking my walks myself like Iíve always done, smelling the fresh air the promise and the despair all wrapped up in one. If you can feel me do what appeals to me come back like you used to when we were young.
11/05 Direct Link
A walk through these empty streets the houses arranged the same and so neat. Both repulsed and at ease for the lack of color, excitement, difference, itís a need I want to holler. Through the tall trees the sky is blushing, they the only colors around, and it is crushing how this system abounds. Twisting and turning along every road giving up on ideas of something unknown. Who are these people? What have they seen? As theyíve grown feeble and lost their sheen, the desire to stop desiring has settled in deep, in bones, in homes, all along these streets.
11/06 Direct Link
Do you remember the sound of this feeling? Like sundown reeling, like summertime stealing, running home to your mother. The smell of supper as you crash through the back door, the smell of new notebooks and the shoes that you hated but you wore. Do you come here to feel home again although we are both left alone and then no one is sure what just happened. Is home not as nice as it used to be, now just familiar if we can speak truthfully. Do you wonder as you pass through the door, should I really come here anymore?
11/07 Direct Link
I look back to yesterday. You hadnít much to say it would seem. I stare blankly into the screen it was my vision it was my dream Now there is nothing but my hopes to ween. Today. Not much to say from me. Why canít I listen when I know what is best. Why are you persistant. Why donít you rest. Why do I let you push me around, say the right things then you are scarce if found. It shuts me down And if I donít care Donít need you anymore Itís worse when weíre near to be sure.
11/08 Direct Link
If there is a moment that lies between us still, then say you will change for it. If there is a thought that lies within you now of the wishing how we could change for this, then say we can dismiss the past and rearrange a bit, these strangers in our midst. I know you wanted something more than I could deliver, maybe just a sliver more than I gave but its wedged its way in between us now. I know I wanted something more than you thought fair, it was in your stare and it left me to doubt.
11/09 Direct Link
Over the trees line lies a world we donít know it waits for us until we are drawn to go. A path is made by the deer and the fawn and so we follow like systems we are innately assistants how do we change the flow. I am still waiting and wondering why you donít respond or reply it is only that I still have a need to be met. You wonít get the best of me yet oh but you did... You knew I couldnít handle it the sordid mess we create in love. Recreations from not having enough
11/10 Direct Link
We are the magicians the book says. She reads it again and scratches her head. For the idea that we might determine it all - how destiny climbs it sweeps and then falls. Then did she really want everything to crumble as it did, did she dare it to be like this. We are the magicians she thinks once again but there is no assistance no one to help her to break from within. Ready with a smile, free her from the walls or the boxes or the chains that she chose, a magician whose tricks are useless and it shows.
11/11 Direct Link
If there is a moment that lies between us still, then say you will change for it. If there is a thought that lies within you now of the wishing how we could change for this, then say we can dismiss the past and rearrange a bit, these strangers in our midst. I know you wanted something more than I could deliver, maybe just a sliver more than I gave but its wedged its way in between us now. I know I wanted something more than you thought fair, it was in your stare and it left me to doubt.
11/12 Direct Link
On a boat, we were sailing, there was a still moment, like inhaling. I couldnít tell if we were together, your face was yours but looked like another. My choices I kept written on papers with lines, scribbled my plans then watched them all fly. You were smiling because you wanted that but you were broken by my lack. I could see your eyes, pooling up with tears such a surprise. I was drifting then on my own, in a row boat without oars, it was freeing and it was frightening but I am used to being far from shore.
11/13 Direct Link
I have been carried off to sea who knows where you will find me I will lay beneath the black black skies use the moonlight for my eyes I will shine on you as it does me keeping it full for as long as it can be then I will leave and so it will go the dark dark night will tug and will pull I will push against the waters edge I will empty out the contents in my head but I wonít tell them to you anymore because you are no longer my anchor no longer my shore.
11/14 Direct Link
An honest moment will tell you there is truth in everything. Watch it as it all comes true and try not to believe. They were standing on the sidelines as you tried to understand they were giving lots of strange advice becoming fruitless in your hands. And you feel useless once again falling down flat. No one to catch you as you stumble try not to react. Try to be humble or youíd so like to be, in the face of all this fumbling and the confusion of destiny. You will go out as you entered you and you only.
11/15 Direct Link
You saw destruction, you saw demise. You made it happen as you closed your eyes, slipping down with your arms raised high. Stop holding on, stop holding on see how it feels to flyÖor slide. Little darling you are spinning but you arenít far from the truer side of winning. Little darling you are not alone, oh yes, but you are. Itís okay, itís okay there is strength within you still. Itís alright, itís alright find some faith and gather your will. You can follow something and believe in nothing, attach yourself to someone and still want to be alone.
11/16 Direct Link
I cut your hair I called you home I hid my despair too often it has won taken its share and then some. You sat with me when nostalgia called to satisfy needs we donít need at all our love like water quickly receding like a mirror that has become self-defeating I guess we can only hope for a sea change to come separating us like a moat as we are no longer one. You put up shelves you talked of a future for an instant we felt like ourselves only miniatures there is no going back now is there.
11/17 Direct Link
We will battle the streets of Paris feeling new life feeling careless. We will battle the streets of Amsterdam in our new skins, new awareness. We will run through our old town like a color like a flood, we will run in search of missing links to our selves in search of new blood. We will stand beneath the towers of trees, ancient history, we will hold our breath in the first instant then release with such new ease. We will tear through the streets of Berlin, of Budapest and Marrakech; we will get the best of this life yet.
11/18 Direct Link
There is a white noise flowing. Remember the days of a brighter glowing. Those yesterdays pregnant with tomorrows, the ways the days fled no one took notice though running on time borrowed. Now the days float in and out, disconnected or too closely bound. Holding them sometimes for fear of them passing, sleeping through others for fear of your grasping. Grasping to people or words or a plan, strangling them unwittingly in invisible hands. Oh but who really cares you think, youíve read too many books about the complexity and the links. You give in today convinced you are okay.
11/19 Direct Link
I have waited for your letters they do not come. I have gathered my strength though it feels done. I have longed to love like we once did but Iíve grown numb, in spite of it. Whatís to become of us, we are not new this I know, I watch hope die slow. Look for responses they donít change my mind, I feel scorned and taunted I grow unkind then it all passes I am on to other facets of my life. But there will always be a part that longs for your broken heart taking its refuge in mine.
11/20 Direct Link
Sweet like honey filling up my cup, like soft rain drumming against the leaves then rolling off. You are coming close to me my resistance not enough cause you are young like a first love the hardest one to give up. We can talk until the end hours wait and then they blend out into the dreams weíll have in sleep into the walk along these streets. Somethingís changing somewhere deep I know itís there though I canít see but I taste it in my mouth I sense it around me now and its sweet like honeysuckle on the bough.
11/21 Direct Link
He held your head in the dark when your belly hurt when you fell apart. He held your hand at the edge of the park when the others felt so far. He warmed you when you fell cold when your newness left you less than bold, in the comforts that would soon unfold, in the beckoning life still untold. She whispered to you softly falling to sleep, she kissed you often so that you might keep memories close inside of you, those stirrings wonít get lost in you. Looking back it is clear the love of those who brought you here.
11/22 Direct Link
Itís a projection this game. Addicted to being the one whoís to blame or pointing a finger in the direction a trigger so misconceptions just figure out a way. Itís the same. Do you want the call, the talk and the rest, are you there for it all or just for the test. Do you want to change or find a new one whoíll play do you trust yourself in the empty spaces you claim. Youíll leave. Youíll leave before anyone else can see. Theyíll wonder was it them and by that time youíll believe in some other new thing.
11/23 Direct Link
There are ghosts, in this house. Itís almost too much now to start again, more than that it has been a long time in the making but we keep coming back and its still more than that. This was the last time. I feel they are fading, the edges, now faint lines. You possessed something more at the earlier stages I let them feed gave them power now Iíve regretted. You can be the enemy, you can be the one I need to see. Iím an island now but you still visit me. Iím an island now lost at sea.
11/24 Direct Link
Itís a weird world you, youíre a wild world you. Maybe I asked for it and now Iím set to task for it but you might be the answers yet. Or you might be the dancer who teases a little bit too much. I just donít know, anymore. I donít trust. Myself why, what for. Though itís a lonely world without it, itís a lonely world donít doubt me, or if you do donít come back when youíre through to check in time to time itís a selfish game selfishly outlined with requests and pleas that pull on me, selfishly.
11/25 Direct Link
Is this going to be different. Is it you is it me. Can we reinvent are you going to be sweet. Most donít want what they have, the opportunity that comes to them, most donít learn until itís too late. Iíve been back and forth made mistakes, down this road, so close to something which began to erode by the time I noticed what it could offer me. Pick yourself up, fight back again, take the lessons and use them. Pick yourself up fight off the slumps, fight off the doubt and the useless giving ups. Donít let them win.
11/26 Direct Link
Is there no gray in between my vision and the scene. Is there some way we have built-in such a screen we are lost in a way as we careen towards the next thing and itís quite vexing leading us right back to where we left it. They want you to lose yourself inside your thoughts, they want you to second guess yourself so they wonít get caught. Is there no middle ground when saying this isnít working. Is there no gentler sound for the disembarking. I donít want to win you over anymore of this you can be sure.
11/27 Direct Link
A little smoke and repose. Led Zepplin on your radio. Itís pumping through the floorboards itís pulsing through your innards striking new and old chords you are inside yourself. A beginnerÖall over again though so unfamiliar in this moment. Because now there is a hardening to work through. Always so much to do. Donít let yourself get too far ahead or too far gone. Yeah but the vibrations push you on, donít they. She is waiting on the other side, he is just along for the ride, they are taking it all in quick strides up their stairway to heaven.
11/28 Direct Link
There is a meadow, in a town I do not know, have never seen. But when we get there it will show and you will see. The changes will follow me. Weíll find the big skies, and a peace weíve never known forgetting all of the landslides that drew us from what we called home. Because it isnít now, those days are long long gone. Pack something you canít live without and say goodbye to the middle ground. We can have more than that you and I. We can have a bigger life if we only try. You and I.
11/29 Direct Link
Fuel your engines baby harbor nothing like resentment that lately has been overtaking. You are better than this, and better than what you thought you used to be. Itís a trap, nothing lasts not even consistency stays true. Not even for you. The machine of missing and longing has been oiled, but the fuse to ignite them is too tightly coiled, beware when unwinding it because you know now once its been lit youíll be defenseless against it though you like your chances and risks. Watch yourself and let it go at the same time, love is a fine line.
11/30 Direct Link
He is a man not one to talk. Keeps to himself as he watches it all. Some find it intriguing, others, sad. To see him eating alone as if he doesnít mind, ďhow could it be?Ē some wonder it makes them feel strange and ill at ease inside. They could never see themselves that way. There are others who envy the solitariness, an ability to stay within ones world without weariness. He wonít have to endure quiet dinners facing another, an old and worn down lover with whom there is nothing left to say. Inside they sense jealousy at play.