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BY jaeda

07/01 Direct Link
how does she know? how does she know exactly how we feel? how can she read our mind and translate that into heart-wrenching music that makes my soul ache for you? how can the catalyst for this love we have be the one to chronicle this ride? how is she the ruler, the thing we measure and weigh by? how does her honey coated voice whisper into my dreams everything I hear in your heart? how does she know? how did our lives twist and turn from her to you to us? how did she write our hearts, our love?
07/02 Direct Link
next year
next year I will be with you
next year I will know what it is to touch you, to feel you, to wallow with abandon inside you
next year your touch will be as familiar as my own
next year I will wake in the morning with your name on my lips and your warm hand on my thigh
next year my life will be my own again, but my heart will be yours
next year I will have seen Melissa in your eyes
next year we will not have to hide
next year I will be yours
07/03 Direct Link
driving down a blank highway texas blue skies overhead trying to ignore anything but the color of the trees the brown and gold and green is that her eyes can I see her smile in the sun can I hear her voice whisper to me through this CD or that or that or back to the first one I hear her now I hear her heart in every note in every chord I see the bursts of color in the cloudy night sky and wonder does she see me does she hear me scream her name silently inside my head
07/04 Direct Link
I know your touch your face your voice I know all of it better then I know my own how is this possible I talk to you though you are not there I reach for you and can not touch I need for you and can not feel complete my heart has gone 1098.51 miles 19 hours and 56 minutes away from me and refuses to return destined for a one day reprieve one day to get my fill one day to memorize everything about your beautiful face one day to tide me over until I can hold you again
07/05 Direct Link
the things left unsaid the words left unspoken reverberate through my heart my mind my soul every touch gone unfelt every whisper unheard every laugh unshared every tear unshed every movie unwatched every song unheard every moonlit night unlit by your eyes every shiver unfelt every … we're denied every moment spent alone is torture for every second we're apart I am alone until I feel you near holding me needing me making every un- a reality making every un- the point of my day the reason I wake up the reason I remember to breathe the reason I exist
07/06 Direct Link
I have been watching you for so long but now the tables are turned and my every gesture, every smile, every deep breath is for you always for you I am suddenly shy afraid to move to smile knowing you are there I look up and into your eyes and wonder if you can read the love that is hidden there the fear and the need and the ever present pain of being away from you I wonder if everything I feel is right there on my face for the world to see the secret I carry in my heart
07/07 Direct Link
30 days until you are here until I can see you and touch you and tell you all the things that are running through my head until I can show you all the love that has been building inside me threatening to overflow threatening to fill me up threatening to disintegrate my heart all the things I need to do with you the things I need to experience from within your arms waiting wanting 30 days before I can breathe again before I am no longer numb before I forget all the pain and the confusion and remember only you
07/08 Direct Link
wanting what I can not have needing to bring an end to the intense pain radiating from her eyes burning a hole in my heart leaving me lost and empty and alone shivering and terrified of life without her can not remember my dull life before her do not want to imagine living without her in my heart she is my passion she is my reason for living she is who I was put here to love and she has become part of me part of my soul an integral and essential ingredient in the mess that is my life
07/09 Direct Link
I do not deserve this and I am terrified that somehow I will lose it somehow I will mess this up somehow I will miscalculate somehow you will reconsider wonder what the fuck you were thinking will wonder what on earth had gotten into you to make you think that shit was a good idea to make you think that I was a good idea to make you ever even consider what you seem to have spent a lot of time considering to make you want to be with me and say what you said to me and love me
07/10 Direct Link
a surprise ceremonial exchange of energy spontaneous and inadvertent the melding of two energies across the miles destined to meet not knowing how or why or what to do now knowing only that to exist without that energy is as painful as death knowing that life before was dull blank numb now the colors sparkle the beauty of simple things shine the anger fades and peace settles in for a moment and that moment is enough to sustain until the next that moment is enough to last until the energies meet combine explode with all the force of the goddess
07/11 Direct Link
one night without you stretches into eternity with the only relief found in sleep in dreams where anything I wish can be true where I can be yours where my heart can be whole again where I can spend all day lying by your side listening to the water lap at the shore and see the mountains rise high beyond the clouds where we can sit with our arms around each other in a gondola gliding through streets older then our memories listening to the call of ancient lovers whisper on the wind promises of love echoing in my mind…
07/12 Direct Link
six states away can i make it to missouri can you meet me in arkansas can we do something anything so i can feel your skin so i can feel your touch so i can feel all the love that grips my chest and leaves me paralyzed pour into you so i can feel the slow steady beat of your heart speed up as i run my fingers down the length of you searching and reaching further and higher so i can know you as no one has before so i can feel you shudder and shake on my hand
07/13 Direct Link
Endless hours drag on waiting wishing for the next moment with you everything is to prepare for that everything leads up to that to see you to hear you to listen to your giggle come whispering softly through the telephone line hating this technology that connects us and thanking the gods daily for it for allowing me to find you for allowing me to get to you by any means necessary 26 days then 25 and then 24 counting waiting needing that one moment where I look in your eyes the first time and I am made whole by love
07/14 Direct Link
Bereft lost insane with jealousy over one day I will lose - Monday has been my lifeblood by philosopher's stone my teddy bear my one strength in a week of varying degrees of hell - whine if I must but I have not the right to ask to expect to feel slighted or abandoned - she who gives me every hour I ask for and takes nothing in return she who never blames never looks at me with accusing eyes she who asks for so little who gives so much and gets nothing in return she is my heart's wish.
07/15 Direct Link
I fall asleep with her narrow hips on my mind with that subtle curve restrained by a tiny line of elastic that I am not supposed to like I dream grudgingly knowing that to fall into the safety of slumber with her on my mind is cause for the inevitable let down when I wake and she is not there beside me holding me telling me all is well and that she loves me bittersweet dreams where I feel her lying over me languid and restless filling me with unnamed need heated desire of the kind which knows no labels
07/16 Direct Link
morning waking no sun rising clouds rain everywhere the goddess feels my sadness the goddess cries the tears I can no longer shed the clouds weep for a lost and lonely love restrained by stolen moments thoughts unspoken and limitations of a need a passion an ache that has become a guilty pleasure melissa claims freedom on my media player and whispers I still love you to the stranger as I can’t I won’t I don’t let go to everything I need as my little love and I plan a one (or two) night (or day) stand I need mercy
07/17 Direct Link
Everything I want to say to you has been said by everyone but me I try to write you and tell you how I feel but everything comes out sounding like someone else's lyrics words from someone else's heart feelings that I never knew I always had for you coming spilling out of someone else's mouth like the soundtrack to my soul the waves of emotion come crashing down on me from a melody I have heard somewhere before like a memory I had forgotten I had like the better part of me floating out to me from the radio
07/18 Direct Link
listening to the hum of the air conditioner as I distract myself with work trying not to think of all the places and things I should be doing with you all the things I should be seeing and saying and tasting with you all the stories we don’t have to tell yet all the memories we haven’t made all the things we can do wait until you see everything we can do together barefoot hands bound pledging for as long as love lasts your head on my belly waiting patiently for the flutter of our love recreating ourselves in her
07/19 Direct Link
missing days missing hearts missing the very thing that makes me whole missing your sleep tangled hair and your sleepy giggles and the way you moan my name in your sleep missing the heat of your body and the gentle questioning in your touch missing your exasperated sighs and your nervous lip biting and your breathy excitement when I say something that makes you blush missing the strength of your body lying on top of me missing the heat of you inside me missing the whisper of your hands sliding down my back to hold me to you missing you
07/20 Direct Link
sleeping with your voice in my ear my hand clutching the phone waiting waiting for one of us to say fuck it waiting for one of us to break these constant tests are driving me insane with needing you bereft at the thought of week after plodding week with only an occasional whisper of your voice through wires and cables to placate the burning desire curling in my belly that can not be sated by words alone I lose my words when thoughts of you stage a rebellion and capture control of my mind thoughts of life without you suffocate
07/21 Direct Link
A word a sigh that mischievous giggle that sends me to the edge and back again waiting listening to you say no no no and knowing it's coming anyway knowing you just have to work up to it in your own time knowing you will tell me everything you want guide me direct me give me the pattern for our first time together tell me everything I need to know to be able to make you feel everything that's bursting through me make you feel every wave as it crashes over me into you flooding me with everything inside you
07/22 Direct Link
god you're right there next to her and I know it and I can't do anything about it and it is driving me crazy not being able to say what I want or how I feel and not being able to demand your undivided attention not being able to get one word from you or to see you or anything it's driving me fucking nuts having you just out of reach while I prattle on and on about nothing in particular I'm afraid of snakehead fish now just to have something to distract me from not having you near me
07/23 Direct Link
I shouldn't want you my life was stable set ordered boring I thought I had what I'd always wanted until you found me until you showed me what love is until you showed me how life could be until you showed me the depth of your heart I was comfortably numb plodding day to day no surprises no excitements now stable is not good enough settling is unsettling and no amount of numbness is acceptable because of you every detail is important every nuance sight smell taste and feeling is amplified you have become essential to my life
07/24 Direct Link
sitting staring supposed to be listening bored tot he core dreaming of a life with you curtains or blinds glass or wood purple or green can you stand to have hot dogs in your fridge can I stand all the damn vegetables no spaghetti ever coffee for me water for you ice cream at 4 am we'll both agree on that lots of computer lines cat fur everywhere your shoes next to mine in the closet your panties with mine in the wash books everywhere your school books my trashy romance novels melissa ferrick on the walls - our life.
07/25 Direct Link
god we would make a good book I wish I could write this down I wish I could explain this in words and others could understand but I can not even explain this to myself and make it make sense I can not comprehend what you want with me or why you are here and all I know is that I need to hear your sleepy hello's on the phone in the mornings I need to see your face fall when I have to go at night no matter how much both kills me inside I need you in me
07/26 Direct Link
Packing moving thinking of you driving down the highway watching the sunset thinking of you ordering pizza feeling guilty for the pepperoni thinking of you watching random bullshit on TV and thinking of you blasting Melissa as I drive through night traffic thinking of you scouting out hotels wondering where I will lie with you thinking of you unloading the car sweat dripping down my back thinking of you watching yahoo waiting for you to speak needing to hear your voice needing to see your face thinking of you staring dejectedly at the computer who betrays me thinking of you
07/27 Direct Link
a storm rolls in dark clouds building inside me ready to burst the wind slithers over my skin cool smooth frantic as your hands reach for me grasping and aching grinding your hip bone into me projecting the force of your need through your body and into mine melting the core of me slick in the palm of your hand thrusting deeper further rocking me against you straining reaching higher body tense staring deep into your eyes and my body betrays my will and the showers begin thunder crashing in my chest the moan of the wind passing my lips
07/28 Direct Link
your lips tremble your throat strains as you try to swallow around the lump placed there by my words my thoughts my fantasies for you your mind races considering the unthinkable showing me sharing with me allowing me to see the poetry of your need the lyrical movement of your body in complete abandon the uncontrollable spasms of heat flooding your center dripping hot your hand flutters down returning to where you need it and you regain momentary control you can’t you won’t you want to you need to you need me to watch to see to devour every glimpse
07/29 Direct Link
six days until I meet my love six days until my heart comes home to me for however fleeting a moment six days until I see myself in her eyes six days until I lie my head on her shoulder wrap my arms around her and memorize the feel of her the scent six days until our lips meet fumbling nervous trembling with anticipation giddy with relief at sudden instant release six days until I feel her breath on my cheek six days until I feel her skin soft silky beautiful against mine six days until I meet my love
07/30 Direct Link
your anger stuns me I knew it was there knew it lurked just below the surface but had somehow convinced myself it would never be directed at me I know you understand I know you aren’t happy I know you want so much more then I give you right now I know you deserve it and I can’t gain the courage to what I should I hold on to you and I need so damn much my heart breaks at the thought of not having you and my heart breaks at the thought of what this is doing to you
07/31 Direct Link
lost in the moment watching you breathe staring into your sightless eyes wondering if you feel me drinking you in wondering if you know what the sight of you does to me how it makes my heart pitter patter like some stupid romance novel like the sappiest love story I dream of you lying next to me forever I dream of waking in your arms watching you breathe watching you purse your lips and raise your eyebrows and smile shyly when I say you're beautiful watching you brush the hair from your eyes look up through your lashes and sigh