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05/01 Direct Link
Sunrise waits in surprising clothes. She wears pajamas for me and breathless lays across my bed. This night is over and morning will come to me after lunch. After school, I will breakfast with the usual cereal and milk. My children will eat their supper while I take my lunch and dread the return to my salt mine. My paycheck. My convenience store. There I find the only people who never ask why I am awake/asleep. They understand from years of night meeting their eyes. The truck drivers, the partyers, the prostitutes and the predators. This realm is mine.
05/02 Direct Link
Here are the dancers the locals banned,
take them from my eyes.
Soldiers burst into the room. I see
they ache to spray my walls with bullets
but no one squeezes hard enough
with their sweaty, greasy fingers
to fire their machine guns and pistols.
These weapons and their lovers come
to my bordello to destroy with their sex
then laugh, leave and tell their mates
about how wonderful my whorehouse is.
I can only spit on them
and their brutal passion
since the government pays my bills
with tax money collected from
the brothel next door.
Someday, I swear...
05/03 Direct Link
Break the mold. Don't just scrape it off. Instead the fungus grew around his neck like Spanish Moss in a swamp-bound tree. He called it his hair, but we all knew the truth. He was bald and his hair was really mold. It seeped into his brain to affect his thoughts and personality. It mutated him with painful deliberation from a teacher and leader of men to a green fungus without backbone, stomach or heart. With his dying mind, went the respect he had earned from his students. Now somewhere in this city, the decay looks for its next victim.
05/04 Direct Link
Flaxen haired weaver of jokes and pranks,
who will you be when this nymph phase is done?
What shell will you wear outside your heart?
This sentry watches through the night while
your innocence drifts through comprehending dreams,
arms wrapped about your blue teddy bear.
Pride
beams like the morning sun through my windows
when I think about tomorrow
and possibilities. Here's your life,
your love, your family apart from mine.
Will smiles still crease that oblong face
and cover those ice blue eyes?
I wonder
how far will you let me enter
and how far away should I stay?
05/05 Direct Link
Whistle down the piercing winds
that whip around my jacket and hatless head
and bring the sickness and sneezes
of another onset virus. Where can we hide?
Certainly not in the crevasses and crannies
of the old thoughts and images. Try
something new, beyond your imagination
and past the morning star.
If you turn left instead of right,
the curtain in your temple will split
fall and burn through the night
to light this marathon night.
It gives the heat to cook
your meat and bake your bread.
But dwell in yesterday, and the frost
turns grey in your beard.
05/06 Direct Link
I sell cigarettes all night long. Different people will try to buy them. First is the legal. They plop their cash on the counter and out the door again. Then may come a blowhard. They talk about how high prices are, the outrageous taxes per pack or general futility. Finally is the illegal. When I ask for identification, there is a pregnant pause. They know that they are underage, I tell by their eyes. But some buy for the state agency, some for their friends and some for themselves. Paranoid of my children being fatherless for six months, I refuse.
05/07 Direct Link

Toby "Red" Allowed

A ware waited, thought of sum things
thin bee came someone. Just cause
they thought a bout me. So eye walks
with out site of too day. Never say what may
come down this street. Wonder wander two
empty lanes of traffic waited with beltways
roundy bouts. Fill turd air waits
another round threw dissity
for a coat like butt-smoke, second hand...
all hair clingy, sea threw thingy from supper
a weigh but with smell. A nut her
a ware knits this new trial
from wooly situations off the street,
off the cuff and off the wreckered.

05/08 Direct Link
I hear the waste of the morning chattel waken to the light of the morning sun. They walk about as if the new day begins new life and their memories have forgotten how to walk, talk or be polite. Instead of gentle mornings of warm courteous family, the sun greets sharp words, harsh rebukes and anger. I, the patriarch lean too much to lenient. My bed calls me from the other side of the door and there are too many little attitudes for my exhausted, almost off brain to wrangle. So they run unchecked in the early moments of tomorrow.
05/09 Direct Link
How do I tell you
something that you insist,
not with words, but actions
that you never want to hear.

Will you ever turn your eyes
in their emerald glory
to meet me in the concourse
with white beam smiles?

Can you free your self
from yesterday's tyranny and dump
the jetsam that keeps you tied
to the despair's pier?

Where do we stand in this
crumbling building we call
our love, battered by confusion
and drawn in effigy charcoal?

Armed with only the conviction
that you are the queen
over this Knight's life
I have decided not to yield.

05/10 Direct Link
Once I knew a woman
in a large ornate house
with two expensive cars
two young bratty children
whom she dearly loved
and an ass of a husband
whom she hated.
One day she ordered a pizza,
kissed the delivery boy at the door
and slipped ten dollars into his palm.
She lifted the cheese, poured
several capsules of sleeping pills
into the spicy, steaming sauce
then ate herself to sleep.
As I left her front door, my lips
a-tingle, my palm greased,
I failed to recognize the signifigance
After I read tomorrow's newspaper,
I felt it wash my life.
05/11 Direct Link
Winston makes me sick. there is little worse than a know it all who is right in what he knows but acts as though he doesn't know it. Winston is a strange bastard. A freak.

He wrote about September 11 in August. Playing high school football, he knew where the play would be. So he got lots of awards.

He knew the answers in school before questions were asked.41 He's a weirdo. And the kids let him know it, too. Every day, all day. Freaky bastard, doesn't deserve to live. I hate Winston.

I should know, because I am Winston.

05/12 Direct Link
We have our choices made for us. I think that the concept is more truth than fatalism. Situations will force us into places that we would rather not be. Laws limit the options for our decisions. Occasionally, we are permitted, by design or by happenstance, to make a choice soley based on our preferences, but more often it becomes a selection of which our beliefs guess will inflict less pain. Tomorrow, when I wake there will be the work dilemma. Go and be flagellated or miss and be penalized for missing. Maybe... just maybe... I should walk away for good.
05/13 Direct Link
torn, broken, twisted, and smashed
with and without the past
brought and fought through mist
removed from your mailing list
singing things as can be
whether or not we see
over, under, around and through
regardless of if we do
taut suspension in an elixir
no sir, no excuse sir
blind obedience leads them all
away and across the hall
wait for me, never mind
let me be left behind
better right and all alone
than "I should have known."
second guess of doubts abound
wrestling conscience to the ground
with or without, I am
my image of a man.

05/14 Direct Link
breath of smoke, eyes
long turned to dust when
thoughts dagger backs and fronts
without dues they knock on the front door
to beg for mercy off the street
and backs of hands greet faces
with loud noisy kisses and smacks
spurts of pain and anger
irritated at the interruption

this time they woke
somewhere outside the normal realm
into fantasy and beyond fiction
while the government stole the records
70 of ten thousand dissidents
while the bangled wristed youth
never realized what was lost
while the morning mourners walked
through streets to look for pay
or someone who could care

05/15 Direct Link
Here comes the time or clover and lilac. The first whiff caught me offguard, as it does every year. After the long Ohio winter, Pavlov's conditioning works into the collective subconscious and we drop our heads and plod along. Step after step, we measure in 3 foot increments. But the sharp contrast that lilac makes to the smell of piercing winter gales is worthy of volumes. No longer does the winds slice your sinuses, but they caress like reconciled lovers. Even the sun lifts itself to Spring and becomes something less abusive. Too bad that wives can't follow that example.
05/16 Direct Link
From the depths of a hull-less soul I called for her. And with a deliberation, she came. I was supposed to meet her halfway, but she came almost all the way and waited, then grew impatient as I lived my life. Now that we are meeting, I feel an echo of relief. Not because we are nearer by the day, but because we have reached through time itself and found each other. Found the emotion, touch and existence of this reality carried over from before. This echo rings through miles and minutes to sound another round. I rush with conviction.
05/17 Direct Link
Birds sing long before dawn. They watch the darkness for a sign of the sun, then sing hymns of praise to the warmth and the light. They stop long before the storm rages through the trailer court. Before there can be twisters and lightning strikes on the trailer court. They hide and they cuddle together for strength and wait patiently until the storm passes. Birds pay close attention to the immediate and eye tomorrow. Maybe they won't have one. None will unless they all watch. Something I learned early. Listen to those little birds. Ignore the idiot humans. Stay alert.
05/18 Direct Link
Can I just watch? While you throw your tantrum, may I stand to one side and let it pass instead of taking the brunt of the anger? The stained splash on the remainder of my life has become dark and permanent. This moment has passed from left to right and gone wrong out of reality into some nightmare of verbal slaps and emotional morality plays, encores nightly. And the garish scenery leaves us without tenderness, concern or momentum from the tantrum of the hour. And that warmth is a burn from a raking across the coals and left for dead.
05/19 Direct Link
Fly right
for tomorrow we walk away from nights
devoid of feeling, desensitized by the
repetition of abuse
like rubs and taps that turn
skin numb from over stimulation.
So
when will we be free at last
to remove ourselves from a vat of
acid
and leave the Peter Max flashbacks
behind the oaken door. Braced with
two by fours and sixteen penny nails
grown at home in self defense.
Now, with your head in my business,
I feel pressure to walk through the streets
naked and ashamed of my jiggling belly.
While you lead the chorus in laughting fools.
05/20 Direct Link
Garlic Prawn
When I asked what she wanted
if she could eat any supper, she said
Garlic Prawn
With half a chance, I researched
found a recipe by the name
Garlic Prawn
When she can finally come to me
I will hand pick the all the
Garlic Prawn
I'll bash the garlic to paste
maranade the diced pieces of
Garlic Prawn
Sautee, dice, mix, and blend
with all the prep going for
Garlic Prawn
until we share the heavy
spice on our breaths, with kisses of
Garlic Prawn
until we fall spent from the
exertion of an all night supper
05/21 Direct Link
She reaches inside me, rips my heart from its cage. I lose my sense of humor when she dances in front of the world. Sometimes we talk in voices a louder, angrier than we should.

But at the day's end, we release these fearful tensions. She is not only a lover, but the best friend possible. She listens and talks with me to bring advice the wisest kings would not have.

I understand that God has blessed me through her. I will do anything that I can, to keep her near me. As near as she will let me stay.

05/22 Direct Link
When the wanting time is over and the tide has washed away, can exist a sense of longing in the echoes of today? Are there any people left without a fair reserve of emotional payments on demand that we all deserve? Will I wait another eon for the past to come again? I have and will and will once more, my childlike mixed up friend. And when it does with certainty I'll take your reins once more without the cowboys' spurs to goad you into fighting roar Instead, with soft refrain I'll sing a lullabye that night praying light.
05/23 Direct Link
Where are the referees? They should stop this fight before it begins. Maybe take the brawlers and set them 2 minutes in the box. And 5 minutes for fighting. Brother against brother with a surging rage to leave them each exhausted and devastated. Panting, looking for breath and victory. As if I should allow my own children... my own flesh and blood, my own being... to draw another crimson river through the other's lip. Or maybe he hopes I turn the other way to make the tears flow without dam or ditch. But they both know something else. I care.
05/24 Direct Link
Warmth, security, float, squeeze, faster, push, burst, push, emerge, crying, learning, Mother, Father, Family, love, talk, struggle, success, walk, struggle, success, food, taste, toilet, struggle, success, explore, school, teachers, friends, struggle, success, read, math, science, struggle, work, success, puberty, learn, struggle, touch, caress, love, pain, healing, pain, healing, pain, healing, college, limits, expanding, work, struggle, work, study, success, work, hired, work, love, pain, work, love, marriage, work, child, love, Father, Mother, Grandparents, Love, work, work, work, pain, healing, child, love, pain, struggle, success, Grandparents, love, pain, linger, sadness, healing, love, child, fear, hand, squeeze, float, security, warmth, return, love, happy.
05/25 Direct Link
Bring me that mingled hybrid of faith and science, that cocaine from Sony, from Phillips, Curtis-Mathes. Let me slurp lite beer to swallow the sweet pills of sports twenty-four hours a day, movies with nudity and Survivor. Take me to the season enders, the lost weekend benders and the harsh reality of the morning after. I will watch ceaseless hours of the video wars in Asia, the graphic anger of Palestine and the strikes against our ideology. Can I remember? If I need to know it, then the programming will tell me. Just check my brain at the remote control.
05/26 Direct Link
Fear comes in wide varieties. Some fear waits in quiet corners around early morning or late night walks. Some fear sits in ambush of the hero. Some just runs chaotically through the open doors and windows of the city. Today's fear smiles at the little children playing innocently in the streets. It brings its henchmen, arrogance and indifference, to this dance of fools. Together they watch as they wait for a chance to slip slowly and compulsively through your halls. They ransack your life like thieves they are. And without even a thank you, they walk away with all your riches.
05/27 Direct Link
It was another yesterday
spread throughout today
with its awareness of flaws
baring of insecurity's claws
and "leave you behind" attitude.

When tomorrow seems the same
with a different face and maybe name
and no one seems to care
that you border on echoing despair,
I will arrive with solar magnitude.

With certainty behind us pushing,
and unity ahead of us rushing,
no doubt lives between us
when all the world has seen us
with each other, arm in arm.

If I sleep, I trust you
to give alarm
and I will give myself
to keep you from any harm.

05/28 Direct Link
Thrown to the wolves again, all I am looking for
is one way in, one way out, one way across the floor.
Precious gifts wait in the hallway for the children
and they turn them away in favor of the boxes. Pretend
that someone else has touched your heart, someone
has to let you know that your life's gone
from living color to dead black and white. And all these things
you shouted at me to save are stones and weight to sink
to the bottom of the ocean, down
to the mud to coat you in green and brown.
05/29 Direct Link
All the nervousness of a first date washes through my stomach as I search the night lined window for the tell tale traces of a car. It finally swings into the parking lot. The waitress who has been filling my coffee cup for the last half hour will get relief from my tentative jokes and leering looks. I watch your brown hair sway energetically in the restaurant light and refects back into the picture window. I smile but you can't see, walking up the sidewalk. Maybe you are thinking that this is another meeting between friends. If only I could tell...
05/30 Direct Link
I am awash in the damned uncertainty of the end of a love. Now, the chasm in my armor brings me to close off a lot of things that had formerly been open to the world. I wait and watch without success. No words from your typewriter cross my desk, no matter how loudly I yell at my mailbox. Can I walk away from these three years? Am I so callous to just leave without bringing myself to fight for this pairing of you and I? I have been... for almost two years of up and down inconsistencies. My faults.
05/31 Direct Link
Waiting for the future, waiting for the past like some emotional lamprey on the carcass of a giant Great Lakes pike without teeth to take the prize, nor limbs to swim away as yet another suckerfish scavenger attatches to me. Waiting for the present that never came. It walked past me without recognizing me no matter how many times I said its name and pulled its shirt sleeve. I pulled and begged and put out my sign "Will work for you" to no avail. Now hopeless of tomorrow, I walk empty streets to watch other lampreys, scavengers and beggars in silence.