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My goals for the month written in my journal seem reasonable. There are much longer lists in my individual quadrant lists, things to get done that Iím trying not to lose sight of Ė or the things that I want to do, in the case of my knitting list. Knowing that the workshop will impact two full weeks, I did cut back on just about everything Ė only including about half of what I originally envisioned. Which means this is going to be a minimally productive month. Assuming I achieve my stated goals, which does seem unlikely given my recent history.
Making dinner last night, I prepped our garden peas in a pyrex measuring cup, put them in the microwave planning to nukevate them for 2 minutes while we ate salad. I then started the microwave before taking the salads in, and we started to eat. A minute later a thundering noise came from the kitchen. I ran in and saw sparks in the microwave. I turned it off immediately, confused, what happened to the microwave. And then I saw it: the pyrex cup, still on the countertop. I never put them in the microwave. I think the microwave is ok.
No early entry to the holiday for me Ė I slogged it out today to the bitter end. Still, I donít think weíre ready for the workshop next week. Never mind. I will do what I can do to make my materials the best possible. And since I have no expectation that I will still be at this job in a few years to work on my original long-term vision for this effort, I am trying to set that aside. Just get through the workshop, get some decent results, and improve it for next year. And then quit.
Todayís celebration dessertL a summer berry galette. I used both red and black currants from the garden with some red and black raspberries from the store. I used a pie crust Iíd stashed in the freezer who knows when. It was a bit dried out but when I sprinkled just a few drops of water on it, it came together again nicely. I sometimes wish I was baking for more of a crowd, there are several cakes Iíd like to try but seem pointless with just the two of us Ė we couldnít eat them fast enough.
Today was a long day working from home on the comic Ė no knit night. It must be done by Monday so Iím ignoring the conference papers that I agreed months ago to review; thereís another weekend to burn doing that. I am already desperate for the month of July to be over and done with, to have these deadline behind me. It should have been a lovely long weekend, but no, it is turning into a slog fest. And who will appreciate the effort, even notice the effort? No one. Why then do I torture myself this way?
I am disappointed with lyrics sheet that is my Ďbonusí for my crowdsourcing contribution to the new album. I was probably quite naÔve in my imaginings. It is just a standard photocopy, on standard paper, with a signature in black in, and my name spelled wrong. On top of the realization that none the dresses that I ordered for the wedding actually fit, and Iíll have to figure out a plan B very fast, and I spent several hours working for The Office on a Saturday, it is overall quite a disappointing day. Monty Don to the rescue!
Getting out of the pool I almost didn't see it against the house, I only caught the flash of movement a dragonfly to wings very wide long body and wings that were completely transparent except at the tips, it look like double racing stripes. I was able to get close enough I could see the body swell and ebb, like a chest breathing. It sat for several moments sunning itself, then flew to a slightly shady location where I was able to get my face just a foot away and truly study a live dragonfly for the very first time.
Once again, I didnít sleep particularly well on a Sunday night before a big Monday. I woke up at an ungodly hour today and then could not get back to sleep Ė until it was just about time to get up, which is nothing new. I think the new twist is having so much difficulty getting to sleep last night when I was already quite tired. My eyes hurt from staring at the screen all weekend. Iím so glad I brought frozen coffee Ė the room is hot, and I needed the sugar and caffeine to get through the day.
So fucking tired after just two days of the workshop, I canít believe it. I wasnít surprised when the two participants dropped out today. Given their backgrounds, I honestly didnít understand why one of them had signed up in the first place. Being an introvert, I have problems being around people, even at the Maine knitting retreat. Two straight days of being on display all day has me wondering if I will make it through this year's remaining days. And what of next year, when I wonít have a way out of the last two days?
We agreed on a bed, huzzah! After more than a year of regular discussion about said bed it had become clear that we are looking for the same thing, but want it at a price point that may not be entirely rational. We are both tired of being unable to move because of the otherís sprawl, or a certain grey cat on the bed. Our king bed has a sale price the same as my queen size Stickley bed, which itself was purchased on sale more than 20 years ago.By any calculation, that makes it a good deal.
The sump pump is either dead or dying or gravely ill. No big deal, I will call the plumber tomorrow, and wait until the weekend to do any laundry. Except it also runs ever so briefly every time we flush the hall toilet. And sometimes when other water runs down the drain. ince this is the house where everything goes wrong, we both came to the conclusion that we need to limit water going down the drains until this is fixed. No laundry, no dishwasher, ok, no biggie. No showers, hmmm. And suddently, flushing the toilet is high-stakes roulette.
The plumber canít come until Monday. Dammit. So, just pretend weíre camping himself said, as we tried to figure out how to wash my long hair outside in the late afternoon. There was some sun-warmed water in bowls and buckets -just warm enough to take the edge off- which we positioned so that I could actually dunk my head. There was also warm water in the hose Ė enough to completely rinse my hair. In the end, I was clean and felt so much better. And I was certainly thankful it was a summer day, not the winter.
Having laid out the objectives for the weekend and having carefully considered the actual priority, I ignore home and personal life temporarily in favor of work, which is public facing. It is not exactly that I am opposed to the work itself, rather objecting that the timing of the work requires that I work stupid hours -and on weekends- to meet clustered deadlines. I do not begin the hand alterations on the dress for the wedding next Saturday until 9 o'clock at night, with tired eyes and artificial light. Thankfully Anthony Bourdain is there on DVR to keep me company.
No lazy summer Sunday, but a continuation of getting shit done. I spent most of the day working. It is amazing what you get done in a full day without distraction or interruption even if you are sick. I am working straight through weekend days for multiple weeks on end Ė its become highly intolerable to me. I donít want to new projects that require weekend participation but that is exactly what the possible new proposal represents. I believe in the concept of the research but am no longer certain I have stomach or fortitude to deal with its reality.
The early bird was not in attendance this morning, so it was no surprise when his friend indicated he was not coming, that he was home sick. With an undisclosed type of illness, not a cold, not the flu or is knee just home sick. I cannot help but wonder if the discussion on Friday afternoon about just doing the work to create the content has somehow influenced him. It would be next to impossible to evaluate his work if he does not actually articulate what students are to learn. I know he's capable of doing it, but does he?
Pain slices from my temple through my eye and directly into my brain like a long needle being jabbed into my skull. Just a single jab, but quite memorable and a bit heart stopping. This repeats several times throughout the day and I don't quite know if it is the beginning of a new kind of migraine or something else. I tell myself that if I can just get through today and tomorrow, things will begin to improve. Many of the major stressors will have been completed then and I will have a few days away from everything to relax.
The list of things to be done tonight is so long I'm almost grateful that the weather would make going into the pool a hazard. Thatís 45 minutes more that I have to do things that need doing NOW. TONIGHT. This is the state my summer has come to, of not wanting the good weather. The pool helps me destress and detoxify, but right now I would feel worse about not getting stuff done. I have to be completely packed tonight, so that everything is ready to go before I leave in the morning. Whereís my lazy summer?
Who is this stranger beside me in the car? The one happily and quite graciously letting all cars and pedestrians cross in front of him? Clearly, we need to move to Vermont! Never mind the mid-day rain and Connecticut traffic, we have a good start to our journey Ė our vacation for the year. We dive off the interstate in search of food and find a lovely local shop with toasted grinders Ė yum! Driving the backroads, we see the lasting imprint of the rural economy, and while the lack of crowds is wonderful, could we really live here, survive winter?
The northeast is in a record-setting heatwave and the cocktail reception tonight is on the front lawn of the hotel - mostly in the sun for the first hour. Followed by dinner under the tent in the south lawn: no fans in sight. It is sweltering, and there is a distinct lack of non-alcoholic drinks. Iím afraid to drink at all in this heat, given Iíve barely managed to avoid a complete migraine this week. But the hotel room is cool and we have a selection of sodas to choose from Ė I retreat early in the evening.
Too much of today was spent worrying about the sun but it was simply brutal outside, worse than yesterday. In the end, we wore the cocktail attire we had originally planned on. The ceremony was in the shade, but the reception and dinner is once again sweltered under tents, this time with clear plastic roofs. And water was even harder to come by than last night, which really bothered me. That and the fact the bridal party had champagne and no one else did. Not even for a toast! WTF?! When did having champagne for everyone go out of style?
Having seen the Great Stone Dwelling at the ďChosen ValeĒ Shaker site in Enfield, New Hampshire, Iím speechless. I canít wrap my head around the idea of the community, the hard work and manpower needed to create the building in 1837, or the inventions and businesses that they did. I have wanted to see one of the communities for years. And the breeze that was present on the upper levels was delicious. We were both jealous of the community garden, which is clearly nowhere near the garden that would have been, back in the day, as it were.
Why does the return trip always seem quicker, but more stressed? Iíve decided it is because of the ferry Ė on the way out, the ferry is the first step off the island, so there are no real worries afterwards. But coming home, the ferry is the last step, and thereís the worry of getting there on time, but not too early. And now, having to commit to a ferry time in advance can make it very challenging. Of course, as in Connecticut, thereís a snarl, another reason for more stress: the traffic is bad at the end, not the beginning.
Picking up the pieces after being sucked into work for weeks Ėincluding the weekends- followed by an out of state, big occasion trip. Iím upside down, topsy-turvy, with no idea what actually needs to be done, just a long list of things that should be done, and no energy to do any of it. My journal has essentially been a total loss the last two weeks. Today will be about figuring out how to right myself again, after being pushed over by work. I am still exhausted, the heat in VT did not allow me to really relax and recover.
Todayís to do list: clean up, clean up, sort, sift, filter, prioritize. Iíve physically been out of the office for three weeks and I didnít really keep up with email, particularly in the last week. I am a pro at this kind of inbox triage, going through hundreds of emails at a clip. The thought occurs to me of all of this as physical mail and I feel vaguely sick. More coffee. Thatís what I need, and before noon! Iím still so tired, just as though there was no vacation. Because, in the ways that really count, there really wasnít.
The photos from the wedding have now been shared with the family, and Iíve received suitable appreciation through the ether. And they havenít even seen the special iPhone Live photos, where you see a few seconds of motion, which I must say turned out very well. I didnít get any photos of the true highlight of the evening, unfortunately, when the bride and groom sat in chairs and were hoisted above the revelers to the distinctive sounds of Hava Nagila. And in any case, Iím not quite sure how the brideís grandmother would have reacted to that set of images.
A thread on Ravelry shuttles me back to my own apartment searches in Yorkville three decades ago. I do remember some of them Ė like the studio I wanted to buy. It was priced at what, $60K? Maybe $90K? It had sun, a decent kitchen area and would have probably kept me living in NYC for many years. But no one in my family could comprehend then a) that I was going to stay in NY and b) the NYC real estate market. I loved the neighborhood as it was then Ė a quiet retreat of tree-lined streets with no chain stores.
The day passed in a blur. I made a raspberry cake early, the best version yet, but it still needs even more fruit (my fault, not the recipe). Once I picked up Sparky, it was like time both stood still and raced. We are not used to entertaining anyone, let alone all day. And it was Sparky, so I should be in Michigan, right? Time and geographic displacement messes with your mind. Possibly the best bit of the day was harvesting the potatoes Ė which was successful in many respects. And the headache that threatened all day never fully broke through.
There is potential potentially life changing news from Miss H, that is just. . . phenomenal. It would be simply amazing if it comes true, if all the many details work out. And Iím delighted that such success may be just around the corner (figuratively) for her. Even as my own success Ėat least as itís defined by my current workplace- seems to be collapsing. I am not terribly worried, which is a somewhat surprising realization. I have come to view it as necessary, the only way that I will actually be able to get myself out of the environment.
Do I blame it on Retrograde or just accept it as a part of Monday? It doesnít really matter, because this is so typical of either and probably inescapable on a day when it is both Monday and retrograde: I left my lunch on the kitchen counter at home. I should be thankful (Iím sure) that at least it wasnít my coffee that was left behind, right? Just a few more days and then boh this month and this Retrograde will be over. I donít like wishing my life away but honestly, I cannot wait until it is 1 August.
Caution: Rant Approaching! I am flummoxed by her repeated statements that we should consider working (i.e., spending manpower) on features that would enable a very specific use case. The only reason to do that is because we have some paying customers that want those features. The features have no relevance to our current projects and the few paying customers we have. Furthermore, that use case is not one that will generate any serious revenue Ė that class of customers perpetually have no money, and cultivating them will take 6-12 months. We need a revenue stream now, to keep us both afloat.
Are we there yet? Now? Are we there NOW? I feel like Iím a kid stuck in the back seat on a long summer trip, no AC or book to read, and nothing cool to drink. I just want the trip to be over. Yeah, Retrograde is never easy, but this one was a real piece of work. Today I drove to the other side of Nassau for a doctorís appointment that wasnít. I should have realized this morning I never got a confirmation call for it. Iím worried about the bed, although that decision was made before Retrograde began.
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