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10/01 Direct Link
Dreams Back of classroom wine bottle which I take to my lips while nun teaching. ask niece if I could use reins for caged birds to sit on. I see little wooden ladder a pyramid shape in old cage. Perfect. brother who is dead is in his bedroom. Japanese to film. I'm in nightgown down the hall yell clean that room. mom and I are following a different brother. lose him. phone booth. Woman taps me. mom may have given her money. George Clooney tells woman she should slit her throat she slumps dead. think the restaurant is Mia Popeye.
10/02 Direct Link
sleeping through dreams. Someone I worked with for years. New floor built for me. Looking for two letters H and W. hypnosis class. Someone doesn't like man's voice. I speak with authority you don't like the man's voice. speaking nicely at first then said, You will listen. was impressing myself but now remember another dream where I disappointed everyone. go down the aisle circling rows of people a dance tai chi routine but told teacher my mind blank always quit everything if people looked at me that's how I did in childhood dance, swimming, ice skating quit before the show
10/03 Direct Link
Kevin Costner dives underwater. I wouldn't want to open my eyes under there because it's sludge, green, thick. something positive but can't remember. there's a world there with music, talking, sounds? paintings on a wall and images keep shifting. words are running can only catch bits. My brother's name. He's passed away. Seating a woman in a restaurant but there is a plate with an odd food? go to the next table. She then has pesto pasta all over her. My live brother jumps up with napkins. take her for club soda which is good for stains. Then dance dream.
10/04 Direct Link
Out in the garden of my old place. My cupboard of light wood. The body of a dead animal. The chef pulls out a brick of honeycomb covered in bees. Children maybe my son when young. On a tricycle. I yell to them get back inside! The bees might swarm. Earlier I might have been in water with friends. Later I'm with a cousin kissing and saying I see dead relatives all the time. I name them. I hand a plastic glass to another cousin. Many lost dreams. Close my eyes and do belly breaths. They still don't come back.
10/05 Direct Link
My grandmother was alive and had two black sons. I had a young sibling who kept drinking from all the containers of water. I took a marker to write his or her name on them. My sister came along and wiped off the name. My brother was in a swimming pool on a raft using a laptop which I felt could electrocute him. I told him I bought the seven foot tall Halloween man to hold mints. Another sister had an illness and needed medication which I had on a counter. I didn't have time to bring it to her.
10/06 Direct Link
was supposed to be studying for a test but didn't. panic. Would have been easy to memorize answers. 5 words. Definition of King, Esquire, can't remember others. Teacher might have been a nun. My friends studied and used letter-linking to trigger memory. my ex came over to be with me. His hair was bleached to my color. My thighs had bright purple broken veins which I pointed out yet said I needed to hide. Gypsies came to clean my place. Outside I told a fly I would find water by digging in the dirt. Dogs, too, were in the dreams.
10/07 Direct Link
Driving. Wearing contact lenses. Late. Tired eyes. Street looks like Paris but it's a big city in the US. already parked the car. Been walking across town. Foreign people. Bus stop. someone from childhood. Tell her I don't even remember where I parked my car! look in my purse for the parking receipt. Relieved. She doesn't have money to pay for parking. tell her I can loan it to her. 5's, 20's, get up to 50. have enough I see a hundred dollar bill. on the bus I say This seems like the Twilight Zone. all the odd people agree.
10/08 Direct Link
Lady Nancy is our teacher. Dance. Group to ask question. Mine is that I forgot my wallet. Earlier see young child on animal. Animal jumps turns falls on child. They feign death but I think not. friend shows picture of people lined up and ducks. I show mom and the ducks do walk in, moving in the picture. grandmother alive listening to aunt complain. her brother-in-law is getting a salary. we only pay him if he does something. Lady says she owned the old building years back. the present buyers are lacking. I think they can restore to former glory.
10/09 Direct Link
You haunt my butt. I haunt your butt. Only hear words. Bowler means spinach. images. getting out of car. Mother in car. Man out of my building. copy of fax. my machine. Inside my building. all smells like crab. Young women say the crab must have been bad but I say no. One woman remembers I stood up for her when midget elevator man brought her to the wrong floor. Inside classroom. A re-creation of the 1950's. Rizzo comes in. It really is Stockard Channing. have tears in my eyes. should have dressed the part. skirt is to the ground.
10/10 Direct Link
Someone said this is the man I am going to marry. He was a feminine man. A poet. In the backseat of the car. In the bar he kept taking my hand. Later a man I knew while growing up said he always admired my paintings. I tell my brother I would marry that man if he was not already married. My brother is horrified because the man is aggressive, masculine, a businessman. I am trying to make it to 12:15 mass before working a lunch shift. A girl says how can you be going to work dressed like that?
10/11 Direct Link
A relative has a dining room set on the lawn. My mother says look at that old stuff. I think it is nice. I hear another relative say that I wear earth shoes. haven't worn earth shoes since the 60's and cannot even remember what they were. A small room looks like it should be a bathroom but the toilet is odd. That is because it is actually a tiny bassinet for a baby. Children leave a small lamp against a pillow and I see a burnt mark and check for fire. I turn down a date with younger man.
10/12 Direct Link
Grandmother who has passed away is in the car. I am outside the car and say I am fine carrying items: bottles of wine, boxes, few things piled in my arms. Inside restaurant is the old bookkeeper in the dining room. Cannot remember what else. Usual vivid dreams are evaporating. Wake up blank instead of filled with imagery. Have to slowly pull them out probably because they don't want to be used here. Probably once I decide not to use them for the month they will come back in full force. How temperamental. What was easy and quick has flipped.
10/13 Direct Link
plan was to write dreams for a month. Easy. I'm full of them. So many all night long. Vivid always. This is why I don't make plans. Always shift. Dreams decided to click off. Now they sit below the surface. Can't pull them up. They'll come back when I decide to not use them. That's how life is. Still cluttered here. Bought Poizin wine. Bought seven foot tall scary man to make people at work jump. Named him Richard Parker. Bought head on a plate. says help me. in a muffled way. like I used to do in my sleep.
10/14 Direct Link
Something wrong with painting, something wrong with face. It was more like a drawing. Shop said it was ready. Covered with plexiglass. Could see scratches, dirt, paw prints. Thought it should come off anyway to photograph. It was only sitting on the surface anyway. Told man the framing wasn't finished. Other dream pushes ahead. I lived in a small house where my grandmother lived. A nun saw sweet potatoes in my backseat. The car. I said waste. My friend said her mom takes leftovers to a shelter. Embarrassed that the nun sees I throw away food. See old school photos.
10/15 Direct Link
Four poster bed. See the wood. Up like poles going forever. Walking. Bugs. Like beetles. Stepping on them. One is very large like a bird. Stepping on it but need to strike it. But it doesn't squish. Let it live. Furniture. Right outside my door watch for a husband named Islam. Had to jot the dream words down during the night. Very sneaky dreams. They are here, then gone. Split second. There is a memory of one right now almost slipping through. A place. A gay man. Doors. A dog? I always remember dreams. Why are they being so difficult?
10/16 Direct Link
Holding the hand of my brother who passed away. The middle brother. A large square piece of fabric similar to the paper I had. the alligator look. Vandalism. place of work. A girl from childhood knows something. Diane Y. Never knew her. was in my high school class. standing in a room with all the floor-length mirrors broken. put debris in the trunk of my car. Styrofoam. My youngest brother sees a box of computer software for my mom's computer. aside. Someone has been holding on. an arm. A man's. Cannot open up for business until everything is cleaned up.
10/17 Direct Link
Girl in Catholic school uniform. Bus. Camel. Long neck. Have an egg. Keep dropping it. Soft. Fertile. No shell anymore. Soft covering. Put it in my mouth to try to keep it warm. Shift it to a couple spots with sun but seems too hot. Each time I've dropped it is heart-breaking. Slowly killing it? It will have no shell to break out of so if it survives it will be too weak. Now it is shaped with a neck. The neck is now under my neck. Cradled. The color is a deep dark purple but close to grey. Translucent.
10/18 Direct Link
Saw Louis Armstrong in the beginning and woke with the words talked to an expressionless face. Date July 16 or maybe July 18. I was thinking June 18 is Paul McCartney's birthday. Cousin says to meet at the money exchange and that is where I am standing. Earlier I was part of a family with a stage name. There was a pit near the money exchange. Young boy was stuck in there while playing. A cousin with the old face of my great grandmother shows me where he stayed for a while. I say my brother lived there, too. More.
10/19 Direct Link
All that is left of a dream is a damn apron for a fat lady. There might have been a bear but I can't really remember. Finished Harlem Hustle and started Tolstoy's Writings on Civil Disobedience and Non-Violence. Elation and hope to confusion. Think of the four steps of violentization mentioned in the Jesse James book. Think of the most violent man in the documentary on TV. He was charming and would be anybody's buddy. It is hard to be a mix of violence and tender-heartedness. Easy to be straight one way. My Indian ancestors must have been killed. Maybe.
10/20 Direct Link
A horse puts his head in the window. I'm very happy to see him and pet him. Later I see a purse stuck in the window as it is rolling up. I try to pull it through but my hand is stuck so I have to pull out quickly. Earlier I was in a man's office being evaluated. Be as polite as possible. he is disorganized. He will grade me. That's enough of dreams. Forgot to bring Tolstoy with me so I have the Works of Plato here. I was surrounded by gay boys in high school. Couldn't stand Plato.
10/21 Direct Link
Oh god. My backside was huge and blotchy and there was a tubelike rim all the way around. I couldn't believe it. I was walking looking for a little dog to adopt. Went to a corner Laundromat. The lady had four dogs. One looked like a tiny wolf and it liked me. I told it to take a nap so it curled up and closed its eyes. I told the lady how smart it was. They weren't up for adoption because they were hers. Walked and saw a friend who seemed to be working as a waitress. We talked briefly.
10/22 Direct Link
Oprah had woman from Africa hearing confessions and blessing. I was in line and spoke with Oprah. Gayle there. My lipstick stuck to my teeth. look for lipsticks in drawer. had to leave the line because I was a waitress and had to check on my table. Got back right when I'd be the last but the priestess was worn out and said she just couldn't do anymore. Went into concrete-like room with the ex to clean cobwebs and opened the door to let spiders out. Cleaned a room for dancer and got streaks of paint on my work dress.
10/23 Direct Link
Vivid dreams faded. Saw first ex. Friendly. Touched the back of his head to find a gaping wound. Blood. He didn't know. I was alarmed. Part of a group. Heavy man died. I was walking on ledge. Wood giving way. Held top of huge armoire. Something about an Elizabeth Taylor movie. Found the air could cushion me when I put my feet down. walked on huge cushions of air going downstairs. Others saw me. cushion became smaller. I was on ground. Can't remember words. Ohio. Another place. Woman throwing object straight up. not her chihuahua. It was in her pocket.
10/24 Direct Link
Everyone at my table says good-night. So I do, too. We are girls. feel bad leaving while they look at us. parking my car. shifting back and forth to get it just right. not touch red. children cross behind. I take a parrot-like bird from the car. man shows a bruise on his finger claiming the parrot did it. he could have forgotten using a hammer the previous day. Girls criticize me for leaving the reunion. I say it was nine o'clock. I get lost driving in the dark. Police woman, tuna or cheese sandwich, sister in a beauty pageant.
10/25 Direct Link
The former employee who stole someone's identity was my boyfriend. I had four children as an unwed mother. There was a fire in a building. I run to it. A long-ago employee lived there. Saw a person on a guerney being wheeled out. Don't know if the old employee is alright. Stick figures, puppets, or dolls. I'm creating. One plays an instrument. Made out of a Q-tip. Fake dog hunter. Unusual because the dog keeps getting uglier. Run out of dream. First words that come to mind: play sit up over done white breath space sleep peace open shut pray
10/26 Direct Link
A young girl is being rude. Cannot remember what she is saying. I write you pig on her hand. She says now I am going to write an article about this. She set me up. My sister has extraordinary hazel eyes. Everyone is commenting. She is a little girl. My cousin tells me to explain to his daughter about my divorce so she can know what happens when trust is gone. I fell back asleep with my dream pen in hand and the Rand McNally Road Atlas on my stomach. More dreams but let them slide away. This is enough.
10/27 Direct Link
Vacuuming thin layer of dust on soft comforter. Standing high up. man says color purple is awful. I say I almost chose purple so if I had he wouldn't be here. I tell someone I forced myself to do things I never liked. playing kickball, doing math. A wedding party. An usher and bridesmaid are dancing on a stage. She has legs open. you can see underwear. Horrible. Young man. wedding party. a family I knew in childhood. Part Filipino. Entranceway church. My girlfriend is black. I am white. A man at a table is Asian. fortune teller or healer.
10/28 Direct Link
My old place. No glass in windowpanes. All open. Flies and bees swarming inside. Use two fishnets to scoop them out over and over. Say I am going to get stung. In next room only mattress on floor. The quirky spirit inside someone is gone. Tell someone else. The spirit comes back to explain. In a store try on a blouse. My face has huge veins throbbing. My mom calls to say my dad is in Stanford Hospital. I sob. She says his heart stopped. I say I am going there right now. Distraught. I wake. My heart is tight.
10/29 Direct Link
Baseball cap. Guy I had a crush on. I'm a player. Bicycle. Keep circling in the park to get out. Too much sidewalk traffic. Woman questions why I'm crowding sidewalk. Told her tried to avoid baby strollers, bumps in road. Still didn't work. Nail polish. Show mom. She and others using mine. Someone gobs it on. Party for M. at house of new friend. Credit cards and drivers license stolen from purse on bed. Girl motorcycle. Have to get out. Woke up stressed. Dizzy today. Weak. Enough of writing dreams but will finish the month this way. Not enough time.
10/30 Direct Link
Six dead babies under glass on ceiling. seventh alive looking around might have been cat. a blonde baby. not light or dark. Cousins there. baby spoke in sentences even though it was newborn. said my dead brother paid a lot for him to pretend to be newborn. from Europe. Other brother said they got eight thousand a year from dad for being male. artist. have to take the babies down from ceiling. College class. My video is wrong. I break something because it pulled apart on it's own. Teacher thinks I'm angry and crazy. Show parents my dorm and ladder.
10/31 Direct Link
Hard to recover dream. The word undercover. A room. A woman who says she has a great body. A song that I say is old. Someone young. Can't remember. Oh well. The last dream is elusive. On Halloween. No spirits dancing. No haunting. No candy. It is still early, though. I have time to eat berries and French toast before going to Tai Chi. I will drink Poizin tonight. It cost twenty five dollars. It has a skull and cross bones on the bottle. And a great story on the back. Some day I'll write a great story. Just one.