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BY pearl

09/01 Direct Link
it's getting dark
still cool
washing is damp
I am wearing double layers
and wishing I had a double skin
to wrap myself in

world skin, soul skin
a place within
where paying for electricity
and buying catfood
and making decisions
are simply unnecessary

I want to inhabit this inner place
before the spring is fully
upon us and we race headlong
into the blazing summer
any decision
that has merit
is born
under the soul skin
deep within
 
 
09/02 Direct Link
I still recovering
from the flu
in that bitter cold and your 
accusation

I feel the loss
of trust keenly
as if a knife ripped through the fabric
of what we once intended

there was work , something we planned to do
and now I am lost
thrust back upon my earlier foundations
which may
in the end be more objective

perhaps I need 
a long review
to write my own theory base 
and teach from it
maybe I can include you
maybe not
perhaps you long ago
made a choice to go another way

and I must leave you free

 
 
 
09/03 Direct Link
Talking to you
every evening
 is getting to be a habit..
Is it a good one?
Do I want you to know me
so well in all my encounters 
and all my  thoughts and moods?

Once upon a time 
I wore a monk's habit
I am sure of that.
I pulled it around me
and held my silent
conversations with God.

Sometimes this habit
falls around me again
from another time
and I feel the familiar solitude
as a comforting friend.

I do enjoy the encounter
with others, with you
in fact I crave it-
but I ask myself
should this intimacy
become a habit?

Perhaps there will be two
garments....
two ways to converse with God
09/04 Direct Link
It is a sheer indulgence
to write so long and leave the bed unmade
but I am enjoying
this fathoming
of many moods
of the conflicts that haunt me
of the tragedies
that call me 
to make a loan
where small business people
are stuggling after wars 
and floods and earthquakes
to rebuild their homes
and businesses
to use solar power to cook and study


I am doing the same really
after a year of 
change
cataclysmic, if not life threatening
I am gingerly
exploring
turning over rubble
to find treasures
and the commonplace
now also treasured
with which I can 
rebuild
 
 
09/05 Direct Link
two bags of root vegetables
one in either hand
quite heavy enough
a mix of potatoes
kumera 
carrots 
parsnips 
and swedes:
a good mix for soup 
or roasted platters to share-
they were held in golden coloured nets
I had just bought them from the supermarket
there were plenty
plenty, as much as I might need and more

I just called this fragment "roots"
my life has been blessed
the earth is fertile
roots are nourishing
there's enough to feed myself and others
plenty has been harvested
and there is plenty more-
 
it is not yet winter
there is plenty more
09/06 Direct Link
Now you are preparing to leave
for Provence
in the autumn
for the old stone villages
the avenues of poplars 
ripe peaches and perfect cheese
flagstones grey with rain and bright
with umbrellas 
and smart shoes
clacking along
with no thought
as to the millions
who trod that way before-
where old men glare at tourists
who make their housing expensive
while young ones pull out their chairs
in small cafes
or run air b and b establishments with
lampshades from Ikea.

This year I will travel to Provence
from my own garden
and see it again
through your wise eyes.
 
09/07 Direct Link
my little girl is going to Spain, again
she thinks areoplanes are buses
and everyone is there to entertain her
of course Nana makes
a Spanish dancing dress for dolly
though this one is too old to go to Spain

she is awake at 3.15
sitting dressed with her sparkly shoes
she stays awake as we drive
through the still dark early morning
excitedly she sees the tower
I see the airport!

yes we are raising an internationalist
everyone who loves her comes and goes
her consciousness is spread across four countries
for her that is normal
the airport is a second home
travel safely little maid
you're now at home in Spain
09/08 Direct Link
there's a coat of rags and patches
sewn with love
that's more lovely than the finest haute couture

there's a little girl that's laughed at for her coat of rags and patches
who feels richer than the girls
who shop at Queens

she knows she has the finest coat
and they will never understand
for she has a coat of many colours
that is stitched with love and dreams

yes a coat of rags and patches sewn with love
is more lovely than the finest haute couture
and the lucky child who wears it will be heir
to a life of love and dreams

stitch your child a coat of many colours
stitch it well with love and dreams

stitch your child a coat of many colours
stitch it well with love and dreams....
09/09 Direct Link
singing in the rain
singing in the bath
singing on the beach when no one's near

sure I sing baby
every day in the bath..I love to sing
that's wonderful
my mother had the voice of an angel
we grew up listening to all the musicals, she knew them all
no I can't sing..
I missed that one
I cannot hold a tune unless
I am with six strong voices

singing in the rain
singing in the bath
singing on the beach when no one's near

I will teach you to sing

hmm
we will see..
but you are welcome
to sing a serenade
sing an operetta
sing a country ballad
and a rock song, and a pop song
sing them in your head
sing them when we're in bed

singing in the rain
singing in the bath
singing on the beach when no one's near

and when I have had enough
I'll go outside and hide!
there is nothing like the sound
of silence
the swaying of the tree
the chirping of a baby bird
the muffled roar of traffic, thankfully not near
there's nothing as sweet as silence

'cept your whispering in my ear

singing in the rain
singing in the bath
singing on the beach when no one's near

there's nothing as sweet as silence

'cept your listening to my heart











09/10 Direct Link

Half way through the day
I lost my phone!
I had been chatting to you by text
while watering and weeding with my grand-daughter, trying to teach her that slaters will not harm her
in fact they roll up in a ball like
tiny armadillos if they feel threatened..
You were doing your engineering drawings for tomorrow..

My son mowed my lawns and then he helped put up a sun umbrella which I will need before they return
I sent a photo of him with his daughter on his knee.
It's a rare photo of him.
Now he is a little older you can see the kindness in his eyes
and the creases around them.
You said, Wow!
and, You are having a nice family time..
I said we are going in now to have lunch-
cheese on toast
and then, when I got inside
I looked down and noticed
my phone case was empty
the phone had fallen out
somewhere in the studio or garden
or shed
I do not know where
and I cannot reach you.
09/11 Direct Link
if nothing happens by accident
why did my
good angel whisk away my phone
and leave me alone
so I couldn't even say
please write every day

I feel you are genuine
perhaps you are hurt
did I need time alone
to go within
to find my own will?

I have edited ninety poems
and written some more
I needed to feel the depth
of my pain and my love
and go there again

I haven't made art-
It's not time to start
I want the grace
to free up the space
and find laughter again
simplicity
that's what I want
its getting clearer
getting nearer

I must pour out what I know
Aquarius' task
the form will come
as soon as I ask.
09/12 Direct Link
so I looked at your chart
with my mind and my heart
and tried to keep my will
very still
I used the proforma
I raised the questions
I named the myths and the themes
that instruct me

you are very strong
I've known all along
I could rest in your arms
receive me
breathe me
I could be your ground

but I am also quite strong
we'd clash every day, need to
search out the feelings
for balance today

not everything I do is about you, yet
if we have, just the one body
all that I am would need to flow through
receive me, need me

I will always be true
to that third one
what is living between us
unless it should die-
believe me, receive me
I am falling for you
09/13 Direct Link
all my yesterdays crowded in
yesterday
even though the day was fine
I was not
I slept a lot
after waking early...

I still feel you in my body
It does not feel fair
when you are not there
let alone here
I do not want desire
for a high flier
who may not even like me

I know you are right
it's a strong bond
family once, perhaps again
I do not want
you to be my yesterday, ah
now my troubles are here to stay!
every day
they are face of the guardian

they keep me from flowing-
knowing
the peace
of eternal truths..
09/14 Direct Link
i told you i'm a mystic
what did you think i meant?
i know that you're intuitive
you are opening up your heart-
let's continue with our enquiry
there is a long way to go yet

not everything i do is about you
my heart is an open river, everything flows through
sometimes it's clear and sparkling
sunlight dances on the surface and little bubbles tumble up
sometimes it is grey and turbulent
or sullen like a sewer
that needs flushing out
after a violent storm has left it choked with debris
mostly it's a fresh, clean river, braided
and flowing swiftly over stone

you must find the river in your heart if you want to join me
flow with me, know me
in all my being
you can find a ground in me
but you must open up your heart
09/15 Direct Link
my Medusa is damned sexy
she sits cross legged by the muddy river bank
brown and rosy with golden snakes for hair
they swirl around her..
at first sight you see only mud and blood
but wait, that red
is showers of roses falling through her
then floating on the river...

she doe not care for standing cross legged
practising austerities
she has suffered enough-
every god who catches sight of her
desires her
but she will not have them
no one yet, except for Jesus and he's taken
can respect and match Her power

most of the time she hangs out with Athena
you could say that's her professional role
she protects the goddess and gives her the
creativity, fire and power to rule the realm

but sometimes when she is alone and smiling
 playing with the tumbling roses and little golden fish
she thinks that resurrection is a bore
there must be more
there must be a god who'd make a match
09/16 Direct Link
I want to learn you by heart

an old text, written in another language
 
there is no way to decipher

this alphabet, except by wonder

I have to slide down rainbows

past your mind

whoosh

I am coming

I am in that interior cave

you never thought would be accessible to anyone
 
that place of private confession

you come to me in wonder

and I know-

I do not know all the script yet

but I know you by heart
09/17 Direct Link
I love you
from the bottom of my heart
If you love me
you will trust me-

It is not you that I doubt
it is my ability to open
to trust 
love 
and all the changes
subtle and profound
that will come with loving

for today, I will say
love is a verb:
it isn't casual
or exuberant
there's no expectation
or agenda
although there is 
a mood of tenderness and hope
its intent
is purely
witnessing and honouring
you
as you reveal yourself
 
I am loving you
now

 
09/18 Direct Link

 
 

the bins are out, yours and mine
 
the recycling is full after two weeks
there are rough branches
in the green bin that are too big to compost

there is not much for landfill
but too much, to throw into earth

I am moving slowly
very slowly-
in my soul also
I am recyling
even throwing out now
olive branches
once important
that are reminders
of days past

olives gleaming in their jars though
that is a different matter
and olive leaves make a healing tea

along with the red hibiscus 
that I planted
in your garden
ten years ago
 
 
09/19 Direct Link
I'm your baby
rock me rock me
sing me a  Lullaby

I'm your baby
rock me rock me wrap me up tenderly
rock me rock me
sing me a lullaby

I'm your baby
not going anywhere
home in your arms
rock me rock me
rock me
sing me a lullaby

getting here took quite a while
kiss me hold me
wrap me up in your arms
I am your baby
sing me a lullaby
 
09/20 Direct Link
I feel I will go on my knees
and worship you
with my body I thee worship-
I will bring you
to every deep and restful
hollow of my solitude

the place where the violets grow
will be a sweet resting place for us
no longer mine alone

my body is already singing
because you send me kisses
how will it be
when I receive you entirely?

you will notice
and I will notice
the sweet fragrance of the flowers
that we crush
as we lie there
in each other's arms
 
 
09/21 Direct Link
I am cooking
going to spend the weekend 
in the spring countryside
with my friends-
women together
walking, sharing, talking
eating, dreaming, sleeping, singing
weaving and witnessing
the fabric of our work and loves
and lives, just at the moment of creation.

We all cook well.We treat each other
care for each other, celebrate 
bear witness to passions and sorrows
doubts and delights
sit by the fireside
and brave the wild weather
Yep.Cooking up a storm
for you my beloveds.
09/22 Direct Link
let go
let go
let go

all the old ways of knowing
are not of any use
in this new territory

let go 
let go 
let go

there are no enemies here
let go and clear away
and even the mouse
hiding back behind the wall board
will have to find another place to go

your hypervigilance
your clever analyses
your bargaining powers
are of no use here

you are in new territory
and surrender does not mean
death or servitude
but joy and bliss
and deep content

let go my dear let go

let go
let go
let go
09/23 Direct Link
Sometimes the razzle dazzle
 of moods that move
as fast as clouds shift the shape of the wide sky
is just ephemera.
Nothing is as nice 
 as coming in from spattering rain
to soften and relax
in the company of friends who know each other well
in the comfortable warmth of a log fire. 
Warm, cosy in my star spangled pyjamas
in the new fold out bed
I am happy to be the one by the fire
who when the cool light of dawn
arrives with the carolling of magpies
 will let in the dog and start the coffee
Comfortable
 
 
09/24 Direct Link
Intense
there is only one word
for such a stormy day
a crackling fire
for such sharing
of love and hope and sorrow
concentrated
intense
hot
just the way I like it-
themes weaving and interweaving
rich, complex, spicy, creamy, sweet
punctuated with laughter
and the hopeful 
lifting of an ear
from the dog
every time
the rain stopped
even for an instant
when light glanced through
and she sensed the chance
for a fresh 
refreshing walk.
09/25 Direct Link
Today
the twenty fifth of September
you, my father were born
ninety six years ago
not so long really..
 
We still have a tiny picture
of your mother holding you
in the bed, newborn.

With what joy you were
welcomed and grew
in a country garden
after the war to end all wars!

With what quiet joy, humour
and dedication
with what honour
and faithfulness you lived.

You left, only three months ago
to accompany our mother into death.
The man from the RSA
said, Graeme, your watch is over.
He saluted you then
as we do now.
 
I miss you 
and yet feel you near:
If I can carry
a fragment
of that love and loyalty
forward 
in my own life
the world will be better for it.

 
 
 
 
 
09/26 Direct Link
How extraordinary
you reached me again
through Facebook

across 40 years
to ask where you could find
seeds of the extraordinary
flame orange flowers
I saw walking in the bush.

You talked of the death
of the founder of Playboy, 
 a tragedy..
I said
a tragedy is a mudslide that takes 
out a Nepalese village 
or an earthquake that buries 
school children in Mexico

You said the tragedy 
was the
misuse of the power of the imagination
Yes
he died lonely, broken and very rich
he left
a legacy of exploitation 
and self enduced enslavement.

A great deal to contemplate.
 

 
09/27 Direct Link
Hugh Heffner has died
lonely, sad a broken old man
with his fifth set of perfect twins-
 
everyone who showed genuine affection
banished at the first wrinkle
or laugh line or sign of sagging skin
or anything to show a human being
lived within that perfect package.
 
alone and lonely, very wealthy but still dead
he may contemplate
the ruin he brought
to thousands, millions of men 
who gave their powers of fantasy to strangers
believing the perfect
sexy plastic package
would bring fulfillment, 
and to the thousands, millions
of young women
who despaired
of ever looking
like a Playboy Bunny
or sold themselves if they did,
(perhaps to get an education or feed their kids) 
or were dumped 
when they no longer did..

just a little fun
I heard you murmer-
no, he sold
a sophisticated enticement
to self enduced enslavement,
suicide and loss.

I hope that somewhere 
he finds mercy.
 
 
 
09/28 Direct Link

come together
come together
right now!

what? right now?
what about the washing?
and the shopping and the
meeting and the greeting and the 
paperwork and painting
what about the..

come together
come together, right now

you asked didn't you?
love has been looking for you
love found your address

love needs expression
it's coming over, right now

so have a shower
and let your fears wash away
be glad, in half an hour or so

you will open the door
to your longed for
unexpected lover

come together, right now!

come together, come together
right now
right now
 
09/29 Direct Link
allowing myself to soften
allowing the warrior
to at last go home
to his quiet hearth
knowing that another
equally as skilled
equally as vigilant
will guard the boundaries
of the rushing stream
that marks the territory
of our people
should that be needed

allowing you to seek me
allowing love to enter
allowing myself to soften and receive you

it is now a time of peace
the leader of the other people
those who sought our destruction
has listened, as I listened in his presence
to our Mother and to the tamariki
those who are coming
those who need us both
need us all
to love and
live in peace

so I can now allow
the dance of love
the dance of joy
the dance of peace
 
09/30 Direct Link
at our table
we will welcome guests
family, friends
those we met yesterday
and those we have known 
ten thousand years

at our table
when we are alone
looking out 
over a garden or a bay
we will welcome
contentment

at our table
we will welcome
those parts of self
that we have left out so long
in the cold, desert winds
for fear 
of what they might say
or want of us

let's be gracious hosts
let's welcome everyone
give each one our attention
find common ground
and enjoy
the sweet fruit
set before us