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BY cgBalu

02/01 Direct Link

Let me begin the project for February 2019. 
Great ideas come to me. The latest idea is writing in the google docs > folder > a project of 100 words > file named 1. 
What I am doing is opening a doc written sometime ago. 
(I opened doc '1'  written when I was looking forward to writing departmental examination - renamed to Feb 1) Read a bit of the ‘rant’ or ‘looking forward’ thing I had written there. Sigh a bit or smile a bit - delete the entry and write a fresh entry for the day.    
02/02 Direct Link

Rename doc named 1.

I had created this during September 18. As read the contents there, I come across some words: ‘bragging in mind and letters’.

Yes, the bragging or ranting in the mind is always there. Sometimes I sit to do the same in letters. (writing)

Sitting to write the thought needs some effort. More effort, when the mind becomes very blank and thoughts hide, as though I will spill the weakness of thoughts.

“Hidden thoughts come out. You think a I want to capture you. I want to give some shape to you.”

Doc, renamed to Feb 2


02/03 Direct Link

There were two goof-ups in yesterday’s entry. I shall correct them now.

1) The first sentence should be “Rename doc named 4.” and not “Rename doc named 1.”

2) The sentence ‘You think a I want to capture you.’ should have been ‘You think that I want to capture you?’

I should be little more careful.

When I wanted to write this at the box of 100 words straight away, I could not do that because the date 3 is not yet open in the site. Here in India it is already 3rd Feb 11:40 am.


02/04 Direct Link

Converting an old document to the present. The earlier document was saying something about remorse. I was feeling remorse then, because I missed my reading thread while preparing for the examination. Picked up the thread later, studied something for the exam, something came as questions in the exam and something I wrote as answers. I expected something and something else came out. I was not destined to get a next step in the ladder of success.

Okay. This one is a new wine in old bottle or old wine in the old bottle?

I don’t know.... drink!    





 
02/05 Direct Link

Sigh!

Why - what am I sighing?

Sighing because, a ‘neat’ write up is not coming out. Thoughts don’t convert themselves for words.

I was reading the last entry and a previous entry written during September 18. The words did trigger some thoughts (of sighing variety only) and I have forgotten those thoughts by the time I write this.

Forgetting thoughts is fine but not always. Some thoughts are to be converted to writing or some sort of action, otherwise this thought persists: “oh I forget things (sigh!)

Sighting something, doing something, let me get the sigh of relief often.




02/06 Direct Link

It was boring to read the past five entries for the month of February. Telling the same thing again and again about how I write in my google docs. Let me write something more interesting.

Writing will be easy if I say something about an event that just passed.

The just passed event is (was) attending a house warming function at Sulla Road.

It was a good car ride with three of my assistants from the office.

The food was good and the new house was good.

It was Waghmore who had invited us for attending the function.

Blessings, Waghmore.



02/07 Direct Link

Talk to self aloud.

Now I am at office and cannot talk to myself aloud.

At home I have plenty of time now, to indulge in this fun of talking to self aloud.

I should make use of it. Let me have voice to my thoughts.

Mother can’t hear. Wife is away.

The entire home is free for me to talk loud.

The subjects to talk aloud:.

1)  Talk about my sluggishness. (Self talk helps to wear off sluggishness)

2)  Talk, doing things:- I will do this next - let me do this later - not do this. Talk.







02/08 Direct Link

Talking to self aloud.

I don’t have concrete subject or flow of words. Several times I have to remind the mind that I am supposed to talk aloud. I utter two or three words and again the thinking process starts. I have this whole weekend including Friday and Monday to talk to myself aloud. I shall practice and try to give some feedback.

Let me avoid writing down thoughts and concentrate on telling the thoughts to myself loudly. Talking to myself is comparatively easy when I have to order myself to do something:  “go, take a bath” 



02/09 Direct Link
Talking aloud to self is going very well. When I switched on the mixer (blender) and put in a lot of milk to prepare an apple smoothie…….Ingredients: apple, coconut kernels, brown sugar (which we bought at ‘kattumaram’) and two black grapes….. Okay….skip the details …. what happened? The mixie spluttered. Mess everywhere. More milk. Why am I not very comfortable with mixer? (come out of the comfort zone) So what I did I do? I laughed aloud. ha ha ha…..cleaned the everywhere mess…..ha ha ha ha. Laugh aloud. Goof up around. Laugh. More laugh- talk merrily.
02/10 Direct Link

How is the talking aloud is going? Not so well.

Sister has come. I have to be silent. Otherwise, she will think brother has gone mad.

I will talk to her. I will talk to my mother. (by sign...of course she will not comprehend all)

When talking to them also I cannot talk all and everything. I have to talk according to their needs and subjects.

It is normal. To have a conversation or talk (as I use in the context of conversation) one is not always successful.

Some thoughts remain unsaid.

Oh thoughts, I cannot say it all!


02/11 Direct Link
The Zodiac prediction said:  
 "Encouragement comes from the most unlikely places. You are aided not only by words, but by an investment from a generous source."
  *Shall I check my bank account now?"* 
 "Leave the encouragement from the most unlikely place, leave the encouraging 'words' but where is the investment from generous source?"
Ha, ha ha.
How is the talking aloud thing going on?
I cursed a bellyful (myself only) when something I tried in cooking went awry and the salt was heavy.
I blabbered when mother was grumbling (to myself only.)  
02/12 Direct Link

Yesterday, I did not make a draft of 100 words in the google docs for a write up in the social tasking site. Last evening, I think I composed a direct entry in the writing box of the site. What did I write?

One sentence of what I wrote yesterday?

No, I don’t remember at all.

May be I wrote about mother. I might have written about her grumbling. Poor mother's back is itching and with her aching hand she can’t scratch herself. Her right wrist and hand below the elbow are not functioning to feed her mouth.



02/13 Direct Link

It is 15:15 hrs. I think, I have come to the correct moment to try writing 100 words.  I hope, I will not be disturbed. The last moment when I came to write, I was disturbed by a colleague who went on talking….without me having an intention to listen to that.

I have great tolerance.

Yesterday’s 100 words is not posted to the site.

If I sit, this evening to post,  I will be posting two entries.

If I don’t post, the pending posts would be two.

There are so many ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’....



02/14 Direct Link
The 100 words per day is current. Very current. Today’s post is to be recorded at the site. The missed day of Feb 11 entry to be copied to google doc. This will help me to have all the entries for February 2019 at google docs. We are in the middle of February 2019 and another 14 days to go. What did I do for Valentines day today? Read some tweets and listened to a FM radio program. That is great. That is very great. Date, love etc are all over. I should simply watch world doing all this. Yup!
02/15 Direct Link
Don't wonder or bother that I cannot have thoughts to write 100 words.
If I have forgotten the thought about which I have to write 100 words which I had moments ago - don't worry. Another thought will come, another event will happen and another 'to do' will come and I can always fill the box!
I was just listening to a song:
The song title is '100 words'
There are good words with feel in the lyrics.
This lyric touched my feeling:
Do you have a 100 words for me?
Cause i have only three
Why 100 words? Feel with three words.
02/16 Direct Link
Saturday. The waiting list was RLWL 2 and 3. Anxious. After breakfast and before lunch, I checked up the PNR status. Wow. The Emergency quota thingee worked out. The HO had released two berths in the train we are travelling to Bengaluru tonight. The train is at 22:40 hrs. I thanked my friend who helped me to apply for the EQ. The travel to Bengaluru for one day is Okay. Leaving mother alone for a day at home is a worry. Alright, the watchman girl will be with mother for two nights. Okay. Let’s have great journey to Bengaluru.
02/17 Direct Link
After this and that, we are at Bengaluru Railway Station. The Railway station is called, ‘Kranthiveera Sangolli Rayanna Station. Son comes to the entrance of the Railway Station. He has hired a car. He has bought nice wadas to his parents. He asked us to eat it in the car itself. Then it was pongal time at a hotel. As we travel by car, all the corner eateries appear to be the same. After visiting Anjaneya and Vishnu temples, he took us to his aunt’s house. (My sister) I gave away my silk scarf bought at Cambodia to my sister.
02/18 Direct Link
Returned from Bengaluru? Yes. Which train you travelled? Kittur Rani Chenemma Express. (16589) How was the travel? Ok. I felt very chill in the morning. I shivered. What happened then? Wife gave a towel to cover my head like a monkey cap. I covered myself. She gave her ‘duppatta’ to cover myself. She sat by my side tightly. Good. The ‘chill’ gone. Reached home warm. How was the Sunday yesterday? It was son’s birthday. He hired a car from Driveze (Maruti wagon R) and took around Bengaluru. Poor fellow, her drove some 100 plus kilometers. Happy birthday son, God bless.
02/19 Direct Link
19-2-19…...Nice date na? The mission of posting entries in the site has fallen into arrears. If I remember correctly Sunday to Tuesday, the boxes at the site are empty. These days I am counting down days for my retirement day. The small notebook entry says I am left with 71 days. A little more math would be to count the weekends and General Holidays. That count comes to 23 days and the working days would be just 49 days. If I subtract my own CLs(5) RH(1) and two earned leaves, then it would be 40 working days.
02/20 Direct Link

Lovely....
I took help from ‘google directions’ and drove my car to a new locality in my town. I took google directions help for going to the interiors of a new place.

After coming to the main road I didn't listen to the directions. I knew the roads like the back of my palm. Going to new places is thrilling...curious...tension filled. Coming back home with known direction is unwinding.
There is a wish. I want to listen to google directions and explore some new place. Which place? When will be the opportunity?

Let the opportunity come - will come.


02/21 Direct Link

This seventy year old man  repaired his heart earlier in his life and this time the fault in the heart is heavy. It is serious breathlessness and he travelled all the way from Pune with his wife to check up his health.

He was in the Railway Hospital for four days.

The couple decided to stay at our home for some days.  

He needed his wife for everything. He got raged when his wife was away from him. Can’t he do something for himself?

Should I get angry on his adamancy? After all it is their problem.


02/22 Direct Link

Let me write for this day. Three days postings are to be finished and taken to the social tasking site.

I begin writing this day, forcing out my loath.

Loath because of several feelings. The right now feeling is about  two goof ups in the documents I have signed in the office. There were some errors. This was pointed out by the checking systems prevailing. It can be rectified. But still that feel….”why am I not smart enough to work without mistakes”

One other feeling is about my daughter who is very far away, has broken her hand.


02/23 Direct Link

Three days of posting has fallen behind. 
What, what I did on Saturday?
(Writing this on Monday)
Well, well....the car has come out from its service...let me take jani (my wife) out.
First, where did the car go?
We went to Railway Station to see of the man who was not well and stayed in our home for three days. Later, they booked a room and stayed there.
He is okay and they are travelling to Pune.
We packed them some idlies and curd rice. Nice.
Evening we paid visit to a young old lady - our neighbor
02/24 Direct Link

In the last entry I mentioned about a young old lady.
She resides one block away from our home. She is 76 yrs old and has plenty of downs in life to lament about.
But, No....she is active. Goes to places listens to upanyasams and teaches slokas to people.
She uses the modern day facilities and technology to her convenience.
Nice to talk to her.
Visiting her gave us a good feeling.
My mother is 80 years old and has many things to lament about. Of course her mobility is arrested and her hearing is hit.
Why my mother?
02/25 Direct Link

Monday.
I gave the mind a 'rest' offer.
The mind gladly accepted that.
There were some oscillations...but still the 'rest' offer won.
There were two invites for lunch from my organization from people who are retiring this month.
We, two pals went to a place first wished that man well, did not eat there. We went to the other place and had good lunch and wished that man well.
OOOOOOOOOO.
Availed half day off, had a very nice nap. The climate is hot.
Some pending payments made using phone.
Went to barbers and made my chin and cheeks shine!
02/26 Direct Link

It is 9 pm. I am listening to Vividh Bharati. The program is ‘hit, super hit’ Today we have five songs sung by Kishore Kumar and Mohammad Rafi. The second song is on.

I am using my iPhone to compose my 100 words for the day.

The days are hot.

At the office I have begun to fill up my pension papers.

Come on, come on- I should finish it fast.

64 days are remaining to get out of my service.

It was a different morning today. I had been to a Yoga class conducted by my organization.

Very nice.


02/27 Direct Link

Suddenly got up at 2 am. After getting up I don’t feel very fine.

This happens. A mix of hatred, fear and lethargic attitude towards life happens.

This wears out. Great, it wears out.

I go for a pee. I switch off the fan.

I take out my iPhone.

I could locate the ‘Naraniam’ discourse rendered by Dushyant Sridhar at 53rd Dasakam in my Desika Daya app.

This is the discourse we attended on 2nd evening at Cambodia.

Reliving that moment now.

Feeling better now.

Feelings change.

What a mind! What a brain! What a feeling!

Keep feeding feelings.


02/28 Direct Link

I hate my feelings and thoughts. The good thing is with all the feelings and bad thoughts I do my duty.
This colleague of mine did not invite my family to his son's marriage which took place in the nearby marriage hall.
He is a good pal of mine and he might have forgotten with all the work of inviting other important people in his hectic agenda.
Even while giving a card at the office, he did not mention to bring my wife along.
Alright, the marriage hall is nearby and we went. One day I will ask him - why?