Rename doc named 1.
I had created this during September 18. As read the contents there, I come across some words: ‘bragging in mind and letters’.
Yes, the bragging or ranting in the mind is always there. Sometimes I sit to do the same in letters. (writing)
Sitting to write the thought needs some effort. More effort, when the mind becomes very blank and thoughts hide, as though I will spill the weakness of thoughts.
“Hidden thoughts come out. You think a I want to capture you. I want to give some shape to you.”
Doc, renamed to Feb 2
There were two goof-ups in yesterday’s entry. I shall correct them now.
1) The first sentence should be “Rename doc named 4.” and not “Rename doc named 1.”
2) The sentence ‘You think a I want to capture you.’ should have been ‘You think that I want to capture you?’
I should be little more careful.
When I wanted to write this at the box of 100 words straight away, I could not do that because the date 3 is not yet open in the site. Here in India it is already 3rd Feb 11:40 am.
Converting an old document to the present. The earlier document was saying something about remorse. I was feeling remorse then, because I missed my reading thread while preparing for the examination. Picked up the thread later, studied something for the exam, something came as questions in the exam and something I wrote as answers. I expected something and something else came out. I was not destined to get a next step in the ladder of success.
Okay. This one is a new wine in old bottle or old wine in the old bottle?
I don’t know.... drink!
Why - what am I sighing?
Sighing because, a ‘neat’ write up is not coming out. Thoughts don’t convert themselves for words.
I was reading the last entry and a previous entry written during September 18. The words did trigger some thoughts (of sighing variety only) and I have forgotten those thoughts by the time I write this.
Forgetting thoughts is fine but not always. Some thoughts are to be converted to writing or some sort of action, otherwise this thought persists: “oh I forget things (sigh!)
Sighting something, doing something, let me get the sigh of relief often.
It was boring to read the past five entries for the month of February. Telling the same thing again and again about how I write in my google docs. Let me write something more interesting.
Writing will be easy if I say something about an event that just passed.
The just passed event is (was) attending a house warming function at Sulla Road.
It was a good car ride with three of my assistants from the office.
The food was good and the new house was good.
It was Waghmore who had invited us for attending the function.
Talk to self aloud.
Now I am at office and cannot talk to myself aloud.
At home I have plenty of time now, to indulge in this fun of talking to self aloud.
I should make use of it. Let me have voice to my thoughts.
Mother can’t hear. Wife is away.
The entire home is free for me to talk loud.
The subjects to talk aloud:.
1) Talk about my sluggishness. (Self talk helps to wear off sluggishness)
2) Talk, doing things:- I will do this next - let me do this later - not do this. Talk.
Talking to self aloud.
I don’t have concrete subject or flow of words. Several times I have to remind the mind that I am supposed to talk aloud. I utter two or three words and again the thinking process starts. I have this whole weekend including Friday and Monday to talk to myself aloud. I shall practice and try to give some feedback.
Let me avoid writing down thoughts and concentrate on telling the thoughts to myself loudly. Talking to myself is comparatively easy when I have to order myself to do something: “go, take a bath”
How is the talking aloud is going? Not so well.
Sister has come. I have to be silent. Otherwise, she will think brother has gone mad.
I will talk to her. I will talk to my mother. (by sign...of course she will not comprehend all)
When talking to them also I cannot talk all and everything. I have to talk according to their needs and subjects.
It is normal. To have a conversation or talk (as I use in the context of conversation) one is not always successful.
Some thoughts remain unsaid.
Oh thoughts, I cannot say it all!
Yesterday, I did not make a draft of 100 words in the google docs for a write up in the social tasking site. Last evening, I think I composed a direct entry in the writing box of the site. What did I write?
One sentence of what I wrote yesterday?
No, I don’t remember at all.
May be I wrote about mother. I might have written about her grumbling. Poor mother's back is itching and with her aching hand she can’t scratch herself. Her right wrist and hand below the elbow are not functioning to feed her mouth.
It is 15:15 hrs. I think, I have come to the correct moment to try writing 100 words. I hope, I will not be disturbed. The last moment when I came to write, I was disturbed by a colleague who went on talking….without me having an intention to listen to that.
I have great tolerance.
Yesterday’s 100 words is not posted to the site.
If I sit, this evening to post, I will be posting two entries.
If I don’t post, the pending posts would be two.
There are so many ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’....
Lovely....I took help from ‘google directions’ and drove my car to a new locality in my town. I took google directions help for going to the interiors of a new place.
After coming to the main road I didn't listen to the directions. I knew the roads like the back of my palm. Going to new places is thrilling...curious...tension filled. Coming back home with known direction is unwinding.There is a wish. I want to listen to google directions and explore some new place. Which place? When will be the opportunity?
Let the opportunity come - will come.
This seventy year old man repaired his heart earlier in his life and this time the fault in the heart is heavy. It is serious breathlessness and he travelled all the way from Pune with his wife to check up his health.
He was in the Railway Hospital for four days.
The couple decided to stay at our home for some days.
He needed his wife for everything. He got raged when his wife was away from him. Can’t he do something for himself?
Should I get angry on his adamancy? After all it is their problem.
Let me write for this day. Three days postings are to be finished and taken to the social tasking site.
I begin writing this day, forcing out my loath.
Loath because of several feelings. The right now feeling is about two goof ups in the documents I have signed in the office. There were some errors. This was pointed out by the checking systems prevailing. It can be rectified. But still that feel….”why am I not smart enough to work without mistakes”
One other feeling is about my daughter who is very far away, has broken her hand.
It is 9 pm. I am listening to Vividh Bharati. The program is ‘hit, super hit’ Today we have five songs sung by Kishore Kumar and Mohammad Rafi. The second song is on.
I am using my iPhone to compose my 100 words for the day.
The days are hot.
At the office I have begun to fill up my pension papers.
Come on, come on- I should finish it fast.
64 days are remaining to get out of my service.
It was a different morning today. I had been to a Yoga class conducted by my organization.
Suddenly got up at 2 am. After getting up I don’t feel very fine.
This happens. A mix of hatred, fear and lethargic attitude towards life happens.
This wears out. Great, it wears out.
I go for a pee. I switch off the fan.
I take out my iPhone.
I could locate the ‘Naraniam’ discourse rendered by Dushyant Sridhar at 53rd Dasakam in my Desika Daya app.
This is the discourse we attended on 2nd evening at Cambodia.
Reliving that moment now.
Feeling better now.
What a mind! What a brain! What a feeling!
Keep feeding feelings.