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On 4th August I am joining the August batch of writing 100 words. Three days have gone into oblivion in the month of August.
On first of August my wife and me had a short trip to Bengaluru to attend the wedding reception of my friends daughter.
Our son advises us not to take flying trips like this.
If at all we want to go to some places, we have to plan in a such a way that we stay in that place overnight.
The advise is taken son.
Loved the Metro train journey at Bengaluru.
Travelled in the purple.
Will I be able to compose 100 words while I kept the milk for boiling? Of course I have kept the burner at sim level.
When I write this on 4th August, what do I remember of 2nd August?
It dawned in the train - The Mysore-Ajemer express.
We boarded the train on 1st August at Bengaluru.
We travelled from Mysore Road to Krantivera Sangulli Rayanna Bengalur Railway station by Metro train.
Son got down at Vijayanagar.
It was nice to be with son on 1st August.
The entry became more of remembering 1st August.
Attended work without bunking.
Milk boiled and coffee made. The third August has become fourth and sipping coffee I will come to the present day to write.
There were uninteresting chores this day at the work.
I was some help to my Dy who has made a tour programme for Tuesday. She will go Mysore for some Arbitration work.
She is happy that she is writing some serialized fiction in one of the Telugu magazines.
How I wish I could read Telugu as I read Kannada.
If I could read Telugu, I could read her story and make her happy.
Life goes on.
Mother got up.
It is 'me' time with mother
Wife has gone to Hyderabad to visit our daughter.
I have to make a cup of coffee to mother after finishing this entry.
I will have to make 'idly uppuma' after that.
Then the 'Varamaha Laxmi' holiday will unfold phase by phase.
I have kept the computer 'on' to come over and scribble this and that.
Perhaps some of the scribble may bring in some elation.
Perhaps I may learn something in the art of scribbling and note writing.
I will make time to visit the July entries I have made here.
The second holiday has reached evening. I still have two more full holidays.
Lots of time spent with my electronic devices. I have had more than enough. This compensates the lack of time during the other days when I wish to be with the devices more.
So, with more days, at a moment I want to start reading something for the vivo voce that I have to face on Tuesday. Some staff rules I have to know.
I have a book with me now. I have to start reading that very soon.
Against all logic - I hope.
Yes, I am not good at many things.
I do get jealous feeling.
I get scared very often.
The lethargic state I am in the mornings continues for more than half hour.
Yes, I am not good at doing things. I don't the perfection I intent to, in the tasks and chores I do. So what? Do it anyway.
I get jealous of the position and things people get. Pity is I am jealous of youngsters too. As soon as jealousy comes appreciate them. The jealousy is gone.
Fear. Do the thing you fear.
Lethargy is just half hour - alright.
The good happened today is my son's laptop, which he has kept at home catches the Wi-Fi signals of the home computer.
It was not doing this for the past few days.
It is the third holiday for me.
Except for studying a little with my friend on Saturday, I have not done much for the interview tomorrow.
Another half day remains.
We have to have our meals now.
A nap perhaps after that.
I had a haircut today and my face is clean.
I should make use of the remaining day.
It is not that easy to sit for composing one hundred words. The laptop did not catch the computer router signals again.
I shut that fellow up.
Opened my PC fellow.
By the time I could open up this box son's phone call came. Two more phone calls came, from my wife and my friend.
The much awaited viva voce happened today and I was the first person to enter the room.
The interview group consisting of three members asked the expansion for the initials I have before my name.
They asked about the reprimands and appreciations I had.
Yesterday after completing the entry for the day, I noted to my mind that I should say more words about the interview.
Good, that I remembered that!
It was perhaps a five minute interview. The situation makes me over emotional?
The three member committee consisting of three Big bosses of the organization make me to be at ease.
They asked about the liability register and whether I can give charge sheets to my subordinates.
They ask my how I will keep my energy, if I am given the promotion for which this interview is conducted.
Expecting the results very shortly.
Straight away come to the writing box.
I have just returned from work on 11th Friday and coming to fill up two boxes full of 100 words.
It was a bad day at work on Thursday.
I don't feel an involvement.
I feel this work I am doing all myself without the support of others.
It is not so. People are helping me. This I should tell to my mind:
The feeling of doing that alone is wrong.
There was a reprimand from the Big boss.
It is alright, two other bosses shared the reprimand later - Solace to heart!
Click here to make another additional entry.
Clicked and updating today.
Today is Friday.
I should tell TGIF?
Let me tell the mind:
Let me get rid of all the self loathing feeling.
The problems at work and at home are to be viewed not seriously.
The main problem now at home is that my daughter should get courage to face her mother-in-law.
She should view the problem with solution. She should face boldly.
No other go.
She is old enough to understand. Hope she understands and take steps to have the relationship properly.
She should. She should.
Bothered about that youngsters blunt words.
This is youngsters world.
I should understand my position.
Try to enjoy things. Get away from the intricate works.
Get away from intricate thoughts.
I am old enough to retire from service. I should plan office in a such a way that I am away from being social and try not to involve or getting jealous over these youngsters.
This particular guy, if does not have anything that can be got from me hates me. He has a got a gang to point out that I am not a good supervisor. Damn.
Add an entry for today.
This writing should bring me elation. I should feel that I have completed a task within time and the same day.
Arguments galore with wife. (Hey, don't shout....learn the art of arguing in a lovely, loving way)
Shouting brings self pity later. I have to say sorry to her. It is my experience that I cannot win argument with her (All male members here - you win an argument with your wife?)
That was the week end beginning. It was very bad feel to have a fight with her.
Now, a calm after storm.
Time passed. I have come to Monday afternoon. I will make a 'jiffy' entry and complete the writing task today.
Doing this Audit work alone was frustrating. I was wondering to bring everything into one place. If I bring them to one place, everything will fall into place and the work will move.
Some paras will be closed.
Not today. But as the time moves.
Boss came to help. This I should record as the gratitude of the day.
There are one special letter, 14 part I audit notes and 4 part II audit notes.
Things will close - waiting necessary!
Today is 71st Independence day. Nation is celebrating.
We made a long drive trip to Belagavi. We put a tricolor to our car.
We visited Hare Krishna temple.
At this place we bought the tricolor flag.
Wife was happy. We took some snaps.
Going till Belagavi - fine.
The thrill and anxiety begins when we have to go to a particular place.
Till now, I am not at ease in getting the route through Google directions.
We had to depend on the guidance from the local people.
As usual we got a good samaritan and we reached our relatives house.
Mother is 78. She is happy that she is approaching 80.
Fine, she is happy about that.
She has got the TV to watch soaps in a muted condition from 11 am to 11 pm with a siesta break.
She is alright from my point of view.
She can't hear.
Her arthritis gives lots of trouble to move about even inside home.
This is the reality.
She murmurs her unhappiness.
What more we can provide her?
She starts scolding every body.
Becoming agitated with her is all nonsense.
Smile. List her good things.
Be happy. This is for me.
It is approaching 2.30 pm now. An indoor walk is over after food with my friend.
I feel I am alone?
I feel I am good for nothing?
The feeling right now is that.
I have lone time to compose this and coming to up-to-date in this task of writing.
Should I go to that stores and see the position of visiting chairs for boss?
This chore is an epic draggin thing and has not happened. This sucks my energy.
What to do - something has to suck my energy. This one - sucking thing of the day. Damn.
Look 'Girmit' - 'these things will be there'
Despite motivating the mind, not to say anything to mother for her 'murmur' I shouted at her last night.
How can I make her understand that the things we get are to be accepted.
Then, I should also accept the things I am given.
Mother is given to me. I have to take care of her. I cannot take care of her 'murmur' I cannot prove to her the hardships she is facing physically are also to be accepted.
God help me to not get raged. I accept this. I accept this. God please.
The secret to having it all is knowing you already do.
For 100 words.
All my expressions need not be a understood by anybody. I need not understand the expressions of anybody. I just want mundane things to go, like writing a 100 word entry.
I don't want thoughts. I don't want to get great things done. (I'm not endowed with talent of doing great things is another thing)
Simply do. Compose words. Make a 100 words entry. That is great.
I want to be happily dull. I want to pursue this dull hobby. If get excited, pause and continue.
I came across that motivational video yesterday. The great man in white uniform told the first task of the day:
"Do your own bed, first thing in the morning. Feel excited about the task. Then next task...whatever...then next....." If by chance you have a bad day....then there is a home. There is a ready bed for you to sleep. Your own bed"
Not necessary to make a bed for me. It is already made.
Just folded the bedsheet neatly and kept ready.
Little tasks - getting milk....boil the milk....coffee...little cleaning accompanied by wife....great!
Today is 21st. Morning dawned with a call from son.
Fellow, had phoned through WhatsApp even at 6 am.
We were sleeping.
He caught us up from Coimbatore. He made a video call.
He was very happy to share with us the biggest Shiva idol at Isha foundation.
We are proud that son wants to share his happiness.
He also added that he wishes to take us there.
So very good of him.
Happy to record good things. Let me make it a point to write good things.
Okay, write bad things too - watch them vanish or becoming good.
These fellows are younger to me.
I feel I am being neglected?
Or I am neglecting them?
Proper attention I am not getting?
Proper attention I am not giving?
These are all nonsense. There is no such thing. They are carrying on with their lives and I mine.
The present circumstances give them some chance.
I have to keep quiet. Do things which are important to me.
I have not neglected them nor they have neglected me.
There was a retirement lunch hosted by one officer.
Right thing I did. I attended and quit. Youngsters attend their social thing.
Ok. Got up well only.
Extended the lying down for more than 30 minutes, thinking all nonsense.
I know the thoughts are non sense.
I have to go to Hyderabad with one officer.
I have to reserve for the thing. I have to plan something to visit my daughter.
The programme will not be a clear picture, till I reserve and make reservation for return journey.
The work will be in the morning hours of tomorrow. The train may go to Hyderabad around 10 am. The work will be finished by then.
Then, what I do?
Whatever the plan the destiny makes is fine.
Yesterday I boarded the train.
Officer's berth number is 19. Mine 9.
Officer told me to check the chemicals and cleaning items the 'On Board House Keeping Services'
I did it. The train moved.
The morning, I told officer that I will check the opinion of some passengers. Yes. It was done.
Boss got breakfast. He had ordered some breakfast for me also. Uppuma and wada.
Nice of boss.
Daughter's IVH failed. Damn it. If it had happened, we would have had something to look forward to.
Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn.
Got a cot in the Boigudda dormitory.
Some change from the office and family.
Slept off well last night.
Leisurely started to Daughter's place.
The ticket cost to Hafizpet is just Rs 5/- from Secunderabad. Hafizpet is 16 kms away from Secunderabad.
Caught an auto and reached daughter's place.
Daughter and her mother-in-law are Tom and Jerry.
Daughter is feeling that I am blaming her only and supporting her.
What can I shout with that lunatic old lady?
Told her to face life and I am helpless.
God, you could have given a child to my daughter.
Evening. 6.50 pm. Wife gone for a walk. A schedule with home computer, say till 7.15 pm? What are the thoughts striking me now?
The food was onion springs sambar and horse gram curry.
We husband and wife talked about our daughter. The craving for having a grand child, leads not to have enthusiastic thoughts.
Not caring about that subject is drastically upsetting out minds.
We will wait. No other way there.
There was good nap. The iPhone updated the apps. Wrote one journal entry in journey using android phone.
Mother says old stories.
The climate is gloomy.
Looking forward to
1) The preliminary webcast giving instructions for Yatrikas. Kichit Karam.
2) Evening, an outing is necessary to buy mementoes to relatives who will come this week end.
3) I have to get a shaving done at the saloon, he will trim my mustache properly.
These are little things that will be done today.
Wife is cross with me. I am not dying my hair.
I have dyed the hair a lot. This will do.
If she likes me with grey hair - it is okay.
If she does not - it is also okay.
Yes. Okay. Okay.
Yesterday, we could not go out to get some gifts for the guests who will visit us this week end.
Wife is very cross with me for not coloring my hair.
The webcast of the Yatra did not stream fine. They were using Google hangout I think.
After some initial irritation, we could watch Sri. Velukudy telling us about the programmes from Vijayadasami day. It was for about one and half hours.
Yes, we will look for the Yatra.
Yes, my face is bright for today.
Yes, let me move about and do whatever things possible.
Get rid of lethargy.
Time is 7:15 P.M. Time is 19:15 hrs.
Which way you like to tell time?
This is the time I got to write today.
I fear sometime about work. One project at work is making of a register containing all the furniture and computers in the office. Our office is a sub office of a bigger office. The bigger office was maintaining that so long. They have written a letter to do that in our office. It is not done.
What if someone asks? I have to answer that. I will answer. There are reasons for that.
The time is 7:04 pm or 19:05 hrs. By the time I come to the next moment one minute passes.
When will I complete this writing now?
I want attention. When in a crowd I want more attention. Is it possible? Attention is equally distributed among all introverts and extroverts. Equally? Yes equally.
Introverts think something else - like - the others are better. They start comparing themselves. They feel that they don't have talents like others.
Whatever is the feel, the feeling is alright. Stay in crowd. Think rot. But Smile. Clap. Say hello.
Okay? Time is 19:09.
Time is9:02 hrs.
What I want?
I just want to complete the August batch.
I will be going to office a short while from now.
A new assignment is to be taken at work. The using of digital key I have to learn.
The "fat lady should sing" for that Inspection report thingies.
These are all my thoughts right now.
I have good thoughts according to the situation I am in.
I don't want the lousy thoughts that come in the morning. I want to involve myself in something I like (writing 100 words) first thing in morning.
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