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November 15, 2006
How difficult is it to watch television or see a movie without popping some sort of snack food into your slackjawed maw every literal two seconds, the activity as unconscious as breathing?

The scritch-scratch of someone's hand rustling around inside a popcorn "tub", the crinkle and crackle of cellophane as it's removed from an oversized candy box, the shake-shake of that same box into an impatient hand waiting to collect the candy to then pop it, noisily, into a greedy face-hole. And then the wet squish or soft crush or hard crunch of whatever's being masticated.

Shut the fuck UP.