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March 14, 2007
For years now, online, you've been bragging about your expertise with tying maraschino cherry stems with your tongue. Just whom are you trying to impress with this unimpressive nonsense? Is everyone supposed to think, "Ohhh, that must mean the little vixen gives awesome blowjobs!"?

What it means, you self-aggrandizing little twerp, is that you can tie maraschino cherry stems with your tongue. Which is a pretty handy skill to have, I'm sure, when you're trying to convince your eventual ex-husband to stay married to such a trite poseur.

Tie a noose around your neck instead, freak. That'll impress me more.