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September 21, 2004
My patient "Maureen" tells me of an escapade she enjoyed with an old boyfriend several years ago. They called it "Cavalcade of Insertions", and it involved, as one might guess, the insertion of various household objects into one particular orifice of Maureen's body.

"None of them were food," she says. "That's so cliche."

Among other things, "Vincent" fucked her with a ping-pong paddle handle, flashlight, candle (unlit), microphone (unplugged), and tampon applicator. But her favorite was when, from clear across the room, he slid a telescoping lightbulb changer so far inside her she thought she felt it in her mouth.