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April 10, 2004

My actions today were good, positive, correct, I aimed for and did the right things.

Still, the predominant mood that of despair.

The definition, despair, as a verb:   Abandon hope; give up hope; lose heart.

Threw my self upon god tonight - 'Help, please, I'm lost, acheing, burning, I'm fucking dying' and the tears come, and the sobbing, the whole goddamn show.

And then my phone rang, a guy in it way deeper than I, needing the words.

My life a suffering, and empty, seems I can do nothing but give, help others.

A dark, rainy night in Austin Texas.