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August 7, 2003
Obsession: a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling, to haunt or preoccupy the mind. Guilt, sin, obedience, obligation, self esteem, desire to win, yearning to be normal, prayer for the good, constant existence of the bad. Dirty. Ugly. Unattractive. Unwanted, rejected. Too hard to live with the weight of a thousand words that hang on my soul, not like a rock but like windchimes. Move ever so slightly in one direction or the next and the subtle wave of sadness; sadness of knowing, thoughts and perceptions. Perceptions. Lay me down. Lay me down. Weigh me down.