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January 5, 2003
Utterly lacking energy today. Drained from several Saturday all-nighters, and a few other near misses, from months of prescription drugs filtered through my system, percolating like stale coffee creating a toxic brew, from fighting a body that no longer has control over every movement. Tired of staving off mental collapse from lack of stimulation, of waking up groggy late in the morning or being wide awake in discomfort late at night, unwilling to take more drugs. Tired of realizing I'm clenching my teeth yet again for no real reason as I am not in real pain at the moment.