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October 8, 2002
“You’re so neat!” he says. It sounds like a reprimand.

I want to tell him that the first twenty years of my life were messy and chaotic. And I spent the next twenty cleaning it all up. My own mess, and others’. So this is my alternative to Prozac. Neatness. Order. It helps me breathe easier. “If I should die before I wake…”, no mess for anyone else to clean up. My personality is formed now. Unlikely I’ll change in the second half of the course. The pros and cons of being a ‘mature student’.

But instead I just smile.