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October 27, 2017
Please do not tell me it looks like my one-eyed cat is always winking at you. We are not offended that you've noticed she has half the number of eyes she was born with. We are, however, offended that you demonstrate a staggering lack originality.

Please do not tell me she is a "pirate kitty". If you feel the urge to speak in a pirate voice, even a single "Arrr", I will immediately sprout a hook for a hand and eviscerate you (perhaps while winking!) not only for lack of originality but for trying to be funny and failing miserably.