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October 23, 2016
Although this Amtrak train doesn't have a quiet car, everyone boarding has been quiet, so I'm feeling encouraged. Then a massive pair of jeans with glittery back pockets schlumps down the aisle and, with way too much hoopla, as if she's on the grand adventure of a lifetime, takes the seat across the aisle, soon joined by an equally doughy, pasty male companion.

Eventually she plays a video on her phone.

"Ma'am, would you kindly put on headphones if you're going to watch that?" I say. She complies without event. Meanwhile, I really wanted to say, "Fuckin' shut up, bumpkin."