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February 13, 2016
In the latter days of the Cold War, the US government received reports of Soviet hermits living in the woods, growing in wisdom and inner light, giving quests to seekers of truth, and sharing their food with bears.

Concerned there was a hermit gap and eager to project soft power at home, the Pentagon funded the Hermit Assistance Program. Home-grown hermits are an economical investment for the taxpayer as they don't eat much. They support the national interest by holding us all to a higher standard and (possibly) developing a (theorized) spirit-powered beam weapon capable of smiting foes.