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June 12, 2015
Dusted off my resume. Two years since real employment. Can I convince anyone I'm worthwhile? Am I worthwhile? I feel beaten down, unworthy, old, useless, like I'm ready for the grave. I need to get myself an RV and take off. See a shoreline. Sit and watch the waves. There's no use in pretending i'm useful to anyone. I'm unraveling my relationships with friends by not responding, I've seen my own cat desert me, my one son has demonstrated his independence and coolness toward me. Geez. I didn't realize today was a pinnacle day. Decisions, control, reality check, always painful.