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May 18, 2013
I am transcribing the deposition of a plastic surgeon who apparently has had every drop of blood in his body replaced by Folgers and doesn't know how to listen to questions posed to him. Words are tumbling and fumbling out of his mouth willy-nilly, like the reverse of a drooling glutton shoveling food into his gaping maw during a eating contest. I would sooner trust a sleep-deprived, snack-deprived toddler wielding safety scissors, a Sharpie, and a juice box straw, using the board from the game "Operation" as a reference manual, to perform liposuction than I would this bumbling Board-certified buffoon.