November 7, 2012
The moment I hit SEND and thus part with about $45 for a one-month subscription to Match, I regret it. Within five minutes, I'm pounced on by a smattering of doofuses eager to check out the new girl, to be the first to woo her with "winks" and GREETINGS IN ALL CAPS and all manner of salutations ranging from limp to lame and back again. Yeeup, I'm on a low-budget cruise, on deck with a crew of sad sack landlubbers. Already I long for a lone pirate, to steal me away and set this shit ship ablaze. Girl overboard. Ahoy.