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November 27, 2012
A day or so before his hospitalization, we talked on the phone. "What the fuck are you doing over there, Daddy?" I said. "I know. It's bullshit," he said. His voice was weak, but he laughed, and I could imagine his smile peaking from behind the gray and white shrubbery of his beard. Right before we hung up I said, "Love you," words I can't remember ever saying to him.

My mother told me, on Thanksgiving night, that he told her about it. Clueless idiot that I am, I had no idea it would have meant so much to him.