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October 29, 2012
THINGS I AM NOT PREPARING FOR

— Glut of amorous weasels
— Out-of-control circus elephants
— Extinction-level asteroid
— My boys’ college expenses
— Jackknifed jackknives jitney
— Winning the lottery
— Meeting Lou Ferrigno
— Meeting Barack Obama
— Meeting Meat Loaf
— Twilight Zone style ironic twist ending
— A sale on landlines
— Subspace anomaly
— Christmas in November
— Assuming the glamorous, deadly life of a spy
— Adventure on the high seas
— Freeing pickle wedged in jar
— Developing an addiction to pickle juice
— Fighting Bugs Bunny
— Comet striking Jupiter
— Triumphant return to Broadway
— Asking Ann Romney if I might have this dance
— Great Scott! It's the Libyans!