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July 16, 2012
She chirps, with all the enthusiasm of Gidget hopped up on a surfing high and a Moondoggie kiss, "I'm a people person!" She shakes your hand as if it's the first and last she'll ever shake, locks eyes with you like she'll never set yours free, grins a grin from ear to ear and has to sprout a third one to accommodate the span. When she goes in for the hug, even bears raise eyebrows and mutter behind their paws, "Now, that's overkill."

You wonder how long it will take for the severed heads in her subzero freezer to surface.