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March 31, 2012
JOHN WINS MEGA MILLIONS

So there I am on the porch, standing in a pool of earthy Taster’s Choice, gripping with distant, trembling hands the morning Cattersby Dispatch-Democrat, and lo, the angels had sung my numbers. Dear God, a miracle.

“Gladys!” I called. “Gladys, come see! Gladys!”

And sounds of god damn it, and rustling, and a gathering, and my wife of 32 years stomps to the porch, and the screen door slams behind her with a bang.

“Whut the hail is you brayin’ on about?” she says.

“Uh. Says in the paper, Sugar Bean. Big sale at Mervyn’s.”