June 21, 2001
woke up this morning at four convinced that a bear was taking down our camp, but it was just v, unable to sleep and cold, starting the morning fire. my grand invention of the hike was fire-toasted bagels, topped w/ peanut butter or cheese. all told, the hike was 15 hours long; my body's eyelids are drooping, but my mind is racing: this is the last time we will see each other for at least two years. v is out now; my hands are heavy with the fact that I never loved him, and he did me too much.