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November 26, 2011
On a recent morning on the bus, some amorphous mass masquerading as a female member of our species was loudly yammering into a cell phone as if it were a walkie-talkie, holding the phone in front of her face and practically making out with it when speaking, and then holding it above her shoulder when listening to the other party's response on speakerphone. How I managed to not bolt from my perch at the back to where she overflowed from a seat toward the front and wallop her in the gut as if it were pizza dough is beyond me.