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June 12, 2011
Your li'l Croc-footed kid may have said the cutest, darnedest thing this side of pudding-pop-faced Bill Cosby, guaranteed to tug at the fallopian tubes of every Redbook-reading mommy this side of the Atlantic, but Melanie Beeman insists that Billy, her imaginary son's, use of "umbrella cord" instead of "umbilical cord" is the darnedest of the darned. Although I want to tell her that's not even cute, I just say that maybe it's best left to kitchen humor when among her family.

"But I don't have a family," she says.

"Can't you just invent one?" I want to say. But don't.