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June 21, 2011
This thing about being reactive, it is not a revelation, but it feels even worse today than when I first realized it. I feel like I do not direct my life, I react to the happenings and that is what changes the course of my path, not choice. I do not think "I am going to do ____ now". Except for writing. I think that is the only thing that I have been self-directed in, that is separate from other people and their influences. Of course, nothing is ever separate from these influences.....I should have celebrated Summer Solstice....