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March 27, 2011
I just found an errant piece of Cap'n Crunch under my keyboard from, like, 1964. So, did I pop it in my mouth without a second thought, like a rabid raccoon? Does a Quaker (Oats) worship in silence?

It had retained the same quality of crunch as that of a fresh-from-the-box piece. Rather than being frightened, I choose to believe this means that whatever preservative is responsible for such remarkable crunch retention will attach itself to my viscera and ensure my eternal youth, which will then insist I throw a tantrum for more Cap'n Crunch. It's a vicious cereal cycle.