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February 21, 2011
steamed dumpling's guide to emotional eating

Waffles, pancakes, and other round foods are best for filling gaps left by an absence of romance in your life. They also, as we learned yesterday, cure seasonal affective disorder.

If you are frustrated by a lack of advancement in your career, you should choose crispy foods like crackers or popcorn, to satisfy a craving to crunch the bones of those who stand in your way.

A YHWH-shaped hole (should you experience one) is best filled by three-sided foods such as pizza slices or tortilla chips, due to that deity's triune nature.