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February 19, 2011
I feel like I really stifled myself with the situation, really pushed (too?) hard at myself to make a smooth transition. It was what I wanted, but there are dents, and fraying cracks that I can definitely feel, from trying to make myself malleable.

I tried, with a hammer, to pound myself thin. I tried to sit straighter, smile wider. I tried, and am trying, to be okay. I tried to keep reaching, to keep being the reacher. I tried to grow and expand, to not be afraid.

But in the end, I was brittle. An ionic compound that cracked.