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September 16, 2009
buying wine
(for philistines)

1. Inspect the label for cherry, plum, and strawberry flavors. Imagine the wine with the most fruit on the label will taste like the most delicious fruit punch ever that will also get you drunky. When this does not pan out, aim for characteristics of oakiness, tobacco, and leather.

2. Realize that no matter what you choose it all pretty much tastes like wine.

3. Look askance at your friends who are comparing their "tasting notes." Plan to expose them as frauds at their next stupid wine tasting.

4. Go out and buy some fruit punch.