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July 8, 2009
Don't use food as a reward, they say, these "women's" articles, advising hapless, hope-seeking dieters in search of a "cure". After a successful PowerPoint presentation, don't give yourself a fresh-baked cookie with molten chips that smear on your lips, no! After getting a long overdue raise, don't chomp at a french fry like a shark at a leg dangling over the side of a bloody rowboat! Don't do it! Instead, buy yourself a pretty scarf in a color that complements your eyes! Get yourself a pedicure and bonus foot massage!

My advice: Don't be successful in the first place! Yeah!