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February 7, 2009
Q: How can I sit next to her on the couch? It's painful.

A: Grip your left arm with your right hand so tightly that your knuckles turn white. Put your left arm over your head and grab the back of the couch equally tightly. Hold this position for as long as necessary. This way you are not able to touch her or squeeze her leg or give her a massage, which would cause her to stomp out of your apartment. If she asks what the hell you are doing, say, I'm just sitting on the couch, what's up?