Things we have here that the US doesn't have:
Compassionate border control agents
Separation of church and state
Melting arctic ice
Temperatures equivalent to the surface of Mars
The tendency to apologise unnecessarily
Things we share with the US:
Huge portion sizes
Addiction to cars
Systematic discrimination against Indigenous populations
Whiskey with an E
Neo-Nazis running for elected office
No concept of long-distance public transport
Refusal to use the word “whilst”
A buck a beer? Is that really your priority? How about 'buck an hour daycare?' Or 'Buck a bus ride'? What about universal pharmacare? Surely that's a popular platform. A dollar for a prescription would be nice. A buck for an insulin shot maybe? Or a buck an epipen?
But no... they'll screw the environment, education, social security... but hey, cheap beer! Woohoo!
How stupid do they think we are?
How stupid are we?
My editor from the Actual Real Official Publishers got in touch again, and is graciously allowing at least some of my Britishisms in the book. Thank heavens for small mercies.
“Standby LX 34.5 – ok, ok, sorry, I’m just reading what it says. Which one is the half-a-light?”
Ed: “It is a fully functioning Tomb you know.”
“Is that dark enough to kill Banquo in?”
Director: “Can you possibly die a bit longer please?”
“We’ll teach you how to murder, don’t worry.”
“Oh! Banquo is a ghost!”
“Katie looks like she needs the toilet.”
Director: “Banquo, this is not the place for Funky Eyebrows.”
“MacBeth, with these Ferrero Roche, you spoil us!”
“When I die, will you catch me?”
My workshop participants are going to try Cupping - that is, the scientifically controlled, supposedly empirical and objective taste-testing. The coffee equivalent of being a Sommelier in the wine industry, detecting subtle flavours and aromas in different coffees.
Can they taste the difference between my nice freshly roasted stuff and the beans from Costco? Or does it all "taste like coffee?"
Budget has dictated that the cheapest possible flight to "somewhere near" my parents' house, is actually the furthest possible flight. In fact, we have to fly right past our final destination, spend two hours in Germany, then fly back west, and get a taxi for an hour and a half as well.
The guy in front of me on the first flight (of three) has The Worst Halitosis In The History Of Air Travel. And, in Toronto at least, it is stuffy and hot and he has the fan on blowing the foulness straight into my face.
The Unending Rain - unending is the wrong word. There was a glimmer of sunshine for a second. The inevitability of rain. Rain is the default, no rain is a luxury.
The traffic. So many people in single-occupancy metal boxes. Cars are smaller here, but there are far more of them.
Tininess. The roads are narrow and curvy - what would be single straight lane at home is dual lane and full of twists and turns.
It's too peopley out there. It's terrifying.
The World is Small.