The difference between sleazy dressing and sexy suggestive dressing is how much a woman reveals. If you are showing off some cleavage, wear something more demure below. If you are going to knock them flat with your legs, keep your neckline more modest. Baring your midriff requires balance and discretion. Stretchy, formfitting clothing is another area where the line can be easily crossed. It is possible to break the rules and still carry it off, but only if you are sensitive to very refined nuances. You have to make the men wish they could touch you, but know they cannot.

So Paul & I were watching a news bulletin about people who have fat dogs. And the presenter says there’s a new product coming out that could help. I listen and then say, with what I believe to be the appropriate level of scorn, “I don’t see people who let their dogs get fat buying swimming pools, do you?!” Paul turns to me and says, “Slimming pills, SLIMMING PILLS!” And then we laugh so hard our stomachs hurt and we even let out a few farts. “But that’s even worse,” I say eventually. “The swimming pools make much better sense.”