My mother always said to hold on to what you love, whether it's a person or a pet or a stuffed animal.
So I hold on to this, even though you might not call it love. I'm her biggest fan--it says so on my t-shirt. I sit in front of the TV and watch the award shows--watching her hands, really, the rounded tips under the nails and the way she moves them just like anybody else moves their hands. I get a bit teary sometimes.
One day I'll meet her backstage "by accident". It's all planned out.